More (grace) Than I Can Handle

Our kitchen is under construction, we're picking out splinters from a plywood floor for now and our groceries are thrown into a rubbermaid.
My son only wants to wear underwear and eats twice as often as the average 3 year old.
My 6 year old has been on a jeans strike for over 2 years now, also uncomfortable socks, tights, or sweaters make her squirm and scream in protest.
My one year old is walking now, splashing in the toilet and finding nails to play with in our construction zone are some of her favorite activities.
This latest pregnancy has me on limited activity...no vacuuming, no carrying baskets full of laundry, no exercise. "Don't be lifting up your kids," warns the doctor as I try not to laugh.
I hoard stuff in our minivan... when I don't, I have nothing that I need. So it's not unusual to sit on cushions of jackets and coupons.

Getting a visual yet?

More than I can handle. Way more...


So, when I tried to get in touch with someone to confirm an order yesterday for the fourth consecuitive day and she finally answered the phone seemingly annoyed to talk to me, I wasn't thrilled.
Then I heard her yell, "Stop pushing the buttons on the dryer, the clothes are trying to dry!!!"

And I smiled.

"Sorry, I have three kids," she said, "and I try to do this work from home. And it's kind of hard sometimes."

"Then we're in the same boat!" I said. "I have three also, a fourth on the way, and attempt to work a little from home. It's difficult, really difficult."

Her audible sigh of relief to have someone on the same page as her was just as comforting to me.

"This IS difficult. It really is!" she confessed back.

We stopped the business talk for a moment and went over the ages, genders of our kids. There was only a difference of months with each. She confided in me that her youngest was completely unexpected and was born with abnormalities, mostly cosmetic, but also indirectly affecting typical day-to-day stuff.

I listened and empathized as this stranger poured it all out to me, tears behind her phone.

Then she stopped herself and surprised me by declaring, "But the Lord gave us this baby. And really, he's healthy otherwise. I just keep reminding myself over and over that the Lord wouldn't give me more than I can handle."

I gently responded, "Can I tell you something... I hear you, but I think we really like to misuse that verse. With Him, we won't be tempted more than we can handle. But if we were only given circumstances that we could handle, we really wouldn't need Him right?"

"Yes. Yes! And I'm leaning into Him now more than ever."


We talked some more about our kids and eventually got to the business end of things, running numbers and specifics. She said, "Can I ask you something... how are you even doing this right now?"

I said, "Well, I buckled all of my kids into the minivan and pulled into a parking lot to have this conversation with you."

We both laughed and she actually thanked me, saying she'll have this conversation to think on when the moments get tough.

---

I know I've been given more than I can handle...but I'm so glad I have Him, who will never leave or forsake me in my mess, and who has surely poured on me more Grace than I can bear!


"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”  -Deuteronomy 31:6

Keep Christ

 

 
"Keep Christ in Christmas" some like to picket. But what about

keeping Him in your today, tonight, tomorrow?

Keep Christ always.

Slice of Peace

I always seem to want to write around Thanksgiving. While some may think of it as a secular, all-inclusive type holiday, for me it's one of the most "religious". It's an entire day devoted to gratitude! No gifts, just grateful. Feasting on abundance, full, thankful. Family shhhing for grace. Bowing our heads. An over-cooked turkey, paired with raw thanks.

Paul says in Philippians,

"Don't worry about anything, 
instead pray about everything. 

Tell God what you need 
and thank Him for all he has done. 

Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."


Unending Thanksgiving begins by not worrying, but instead choosing to pray.

And prayer is two-part: 1) Tell God what you need (ask for help!)
                                  2) Thank Him for all He's already done (praise 'em!)

Only in doing the above will we know peace, God's Peace, which is so great it's beyond understanding. And that very Peace will protect our troubled hearts and worry-prone minds. Guarded for Good.


My practical way of following through with Paul's priceless advice has always been taking an old notebook and T-ing up all the pages. Then pouring it out as often as I can.

Tell God what you need / Thank Him for all He has done

Prayer is incomplete without thanksgiving and Thanksgiving is incomplete without prayer. Simple.

-Take life, omit worry. 

-Substitute with prayer. 

-Mix together some asking with thanking.

-Bake at 450* and enjoy.

Slice of Peace anyone?

Philippians 4:6-7

My Marriage > _________?

In our first year of marriage, Doug and I were invited to attend a marriage retreat. Actually, we were gifted the retreat, so it's more like we were forced. Doug was beyond reluctant to go... nightmares of bunking with other couples and talking it out Dr. Phil style for all to hear had him seriously concerned. But it wasn't any of that. It was simply solid time together, to reflect, reconnect, and relax. And Doug will tell you, it was the best thing he'd ever been forced into.


At the retreat that year, we committed to putting at least one weekend aside annually to get away from the chaos, the kids, work, whatever, and solely focus on God and each other, our marriage triangle. It's been nearly 5 years now of upholding our commitment, attending the same marriage retreat regardless of moving or more and more kids. But after inviting our local church to join us last year and realizing this year's retreat may not happen, Doug and I knew it was time to share what we had been blessed with and start one right here.

But this time, I was the reluctant one. It wasn't speaking up for marriage that I was afraid of, I honestly thought marriage ministry could well be something we ended up doing together, one day. I just had assumed and hoped it would be twentysome years from now so we could publicly say:

"Hi, we're Doug and Michelle, we've been married for over 25 years, have multiple grown children, and here we are now, still smiling, so you best listen to our wise, experienced advice."

But God wouldn't have it that way. Instead it's:

"Hi, we're Doug and Michelle, we really haven't been married too long, we have a bunch of little kids running around us constantly, and life is getting kind of messy...BUT we made a commitment to each other above all of that and we will intentionally do all we can RIGHT NOW to honor each other and our marriage."

We simply want to encourage other couples... just married, decades married, re-married, to make your marriage your priority. Because the kids will grow up and go. Eventually you'll retire from that hectic job. And you can be certain circumstances will change. But God-willing, your spouse will be remain by your side. So make your marriage your priority, right now and in every moment!

Consider joining us for a time away to renew your marriage.

Change of Address

Doug and I have moved as a family 6 times in less than 6 years. From my parents place to a rented shed, to an apartment with a mountain view, to a rancher (which was my pretty word for trailer), to his parents place, to an old farmhouse, and finally to our perfect family home we own now. And I plan to stay here for awhile. A really, long, settled while.


It's not like we were moving cross-country though; these half of a dozen relcations were just from NJ to Central PA or simply to the next town over to a place with a little more space (we also added a kid every other year or so). Our last move was less than a mile away just to have the unexpected opportunity to buy. Even still, it's a pain. The packing, the cleaning, the moving, the unpacking, and then...the dreaded change of address. Everything and everyone has to know you moved. I'm almost there... I still have some mail forwarded and some I have to pick-up in-person at my in-laws!

------

I've been in Exodus in the Old Testament for almost two months now. It's the amazing story of Moses and how God shows His power and faithfulness to the people of Israel. It's thrilling, and long, and incredible, and a tad specific, and holy, and ancient, really ancient. But this past week, as I was reading some of God's instructions to His people from thousands of years ago, I realized God made quite the drastic move, a serious, unbelievable change of address.

"Have the people of Israel build me a holy sanctuary so I can live among them," God instructed Moses to tell the Israelites in Exodus 25:8.

How incredible to have God live among his people, but how much more incredible is His set-up now!

I flipped straight to 1 Corinthians... in chapter 6, verse 19, the apostle Paul asks the Christ followers in the city of Corinth, Greece this: 

"Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God?"

After God sent His Son to dwell on Earth, He sent His spirit to dwell in us. Quite intense relocations from a holy sanctuary built by the hands of the Israelites to the grounds of the Earth to me. Me. God lives in me. This body of mine He created houses His very own spirit. Not just among His people, but within His people. And all because of Christ and what He accomplished in order to make us holy.
We have been made into a sanctuary, suitable for God to dwell. What a change of address! What an incredible gift. What a responsibility.

He built me. He made me holy. I am the temple. His spirit was given to me. And He lives...in me.

Thank you, Lord, for moving. I'm so glad I opened the door.

"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock." -God

(Revelation 3:19-20)

Seeking a Sponsor

This is about marriage. No, maybe more about divorce.

I hate divorce. Hate it and everything it stands for, no, against. Now hear me, because I'm not saying I hate people who are divorced or will be divorced.  As a mentor of mine always said, "Grace to you."...the same Grace that is to me. But divorce in itself, I hate.

Divorce is not patient, divorce is not kind. Divorce involves envy, it's boastful and proud. It dishonors many and is self-seeking. It's filled with anger, keeping a thorough record of wrongs.  Divorce delights in evil and disregards the truth. It never protects, never trusts, never hopes, and most certainly does not persevere. 

If that sounds familiar, it's because it's the opposite of what you hear at almost every wedding. The antonym of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. What love is not, divorce is. 

Pretty disturbingly to me, I've had multiple people, in just the last couple months, well-meaningfully say, "If Doug (my husband) were ever to start drinking again, I'd support you leaving him."

How disappointing. Support my leaving him? What about support my loving him? Who will help me love him if Lord forbid my beloved ever did fall back into addiction, darkness, despair? Who will pray with me for him, encourage him with me, and serve him with love in his ultimate "for worse"? Who will support me in that?

Because if you support my leaving him when he stumbles, then the enemy not only has a hold on him, but our marriage also. You'd be supporting the enemy, not me, not him, definitely not our marriage. And what if I were the one doing the stumbling? What then?

I need someone to hold our marriage accountable, no matter what comes our way. To remind us of 1 Corinthians 13 love. To shove our own vows in our face, our vows of forgiveness and prayerfulness. Someone who doesn't accept the lie of put the "me" before the "us". (Because that's not what I signed up for, that's not what I agreed to.) I made a deal, a promise, a covenant, and I need some back-up, a witness in that, to call me out, without fear of offense. I need a sponsor. That's who I need and that's what our marriage needs. And I'm hopeful you're already out there.

Don't just sit through weddings, post some pictures, and wish em well.
Sponsor a marriage.

Singing

We celebrated our son's tank engine, third birthday over the weekend. I'll admit I get a little into in my kids' themes, but I love it because they love it. It's a chance to single out each kid, ask them what their heart desires, and (work my butt off to) magically fulfill their high hopes. One day a year just for them.

As I was prepping early morning for the party, on top of lists running in my head, I kept thinking on the tradition of singing over birthday individuals, little or grown, each year. It serves to celebrate and honor the person; it's the culmination of the birthday party! But if you really think about it, it's kind of strange having everyone sing a song in unison surrounding a single person. Not that strange though, because God does exactly the same with us. The Bible tells us,

"The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love He will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing." (Zephaniah 3:17)

God rejoices over you with singing, just like we all do to our kids on their birthdays. With smiling, taking delight in their every move, being physically next to them, and, if even for just a moment, putting everything else aside to simply sing.

He sings! Over you. To you. For you. I wish I could really grasp how incredible that is.


Every year, for everyone we know, we sing. Every second, for those He knows, God sings.

I love that when we sang to my son, he sang right along, with a "Happy Birthday to me" version. With God we are called to sing-along as well, not to ourselves and our own glory, but straight back to him. "Sing, O Daughter of Zion; shout aloud, O Israel! Be glad and rejoice with all your heart, O Daughter of Jersusalem." (Zephaniah 3:14)

Insert your name above and sing. Sing with Him. Sing back to Him.

  Sing because He's singing over you!

Honeymoon Phase

My hubby and I recently celebrated 4 years married, the honeymoon phase is long gone, but (most of the time) we enjoy spending time together, that is when we carve out the time to do so. But with any extended relationship, comes changes to its dynamic, comfort level, effort involved; it's what doesn't change that's key.

Earlier in the summer, the two of us got away for the weekend. Away from the busyness of three little ones, the noise of  media, and all of the distractions that follow us around. One night, we sat outside on a bench and watched the sun set over the Chesapeake Bay. As we enjoyed the stillness, we couldn't help but to watch a young couple walk down to the dock together and adorably take a seat, feet hanging over, side-by-side. As the girl leaned back onto her hands and innocently swayed her feet over the water, her fancy flats flew out into the bay. She laughed in embarrassment and with little hesitation, her guy stripped off his polo and jumped right in to the unknowing depths of the bay, paddling out in search of her shoes.
Doug and I enjoyed our entertainment and both agreed out loud, "No way they're married!" He confessed if it was us, 4 years in, he would have just counted the shoes a loss. He did admit it may have been different say 5 years ago.

In the beginning of any relationship, there is so much to talk about, so much to learn, so much to look forward to. Everything seems so new and exciting. An eagerness to see, hear, hold, give. A wanting to do anything for them, being alert to any opportunity to serve them, prove your affection to them.

Several years in, you may feel like you already have heard all there is to hear, with not much left to learn, wondering if the best has come and gone. Things become routine, habitual. Eagerness turns to expectedness and where's the desire to prove something that's already being proclaimed?

I'm not saying that the hubby and I are there, there are mundane moments for sure, but if we didn't put time aside, to talk, to pray, to hold one other, to watch sunsets, to simply enjoy, I'm sure we would be. Stuck there, not knowing how to get back to the initial infatuation and excitement.

And this relational dynamic is just the same with my Heavenly Father, Savior, Best Friend. It's been years now, a decade maybe, going from knowing nothing, to wanting to know everything, to feeling sometimes like I've now heard it all, again and again. What's new? What's left? What's to look forward to? Going from full surrender of how can I serve you, to what do I have time for? What am I comfortable with?

But just like a husband and wife, we should never allow ourselves to get stuck there. It's an unproductive, destructive place to remain. The cure for my husband and I is time away to enjoy, rekindle, remember... the same for God and I.

There is much left to know about my husband, even more left to realize about my God. I want to be filled with joy each time my husband returns home, I want to overflow with joy each time I return Home. I want to serve, because I love and because I am loved. Because of a promise I made. I want to remain excited, with each date, with each time I open my Word. So much to look forward to, more than I can comprehend.

I want weeks, seasons, years, generations to pass, and to find myself willing and wanting. Willing to jump in, clothes and all, swimming, searching, serving. And while I know all relationships change as people do, I need most to remain grateful. Unchanging gratitude, an attitude which has the ability to keep any relationship new.

Then we your people, the sheep of your pasture,

    will thank you forever and ever,

    praising your greatness from generation to generation. 

   ~Psalm 79:13

Humility and the Harvest

"Yes! I did it, I did it!" I shouted at the first sight of little tomatoes on plants I had started from seed months ago. I felt so accomplished with an actual visual result of my hard work, something which can be hard to spot in the child-rearing industry. My 6-year-old caught me in my celebratory dance from across the yard and came walking over with a hand-on-the-hip, side-smirk in-tact, ready to dish out some truth.

"Mommm," she said with a slight roll of the eyes, "you didn't really do anything. God did."

She then explained to me I may have planted some seeds and added some water (when I remembered to), but asked me if I was the one to tell it to grow? I actually tried to defend my work trying to get a little more credit on my behalf, but she just looked back at me over the tops of her eyes as if to say "Come on, Mom" and all I could eventually do was laugh in humility. 

Now, later in the season and with a harvest this spoiled suburban gal didn't think was possible, I need to keep reminding myself of that simple correction from my daughter. Remembering that it's not about my doing, it's about God's doing, and in the moments I start taking credit when it's due to Him or try intervening my way where I know He has it handled, I need to take a big step back and remember, I really didn't do anything, and more importantly, I don't need to. Maybe God has a few seeds for me to plant here and there, maybe a little extra water and care can come from me, and I need to be ready for that, but when it comes to growth, when it comes to movement, when it comes to action, that may all be beyond me, and that is good!

When I put those seeds in the ground, I had to trust. Trust they would sprout. Trust they would grow. Trust they would produce something! (Btw, I'm in over my head with tomatoes at the moment!) But the main activity on my part that was required throughout that whole process was trust. 

I'm writing and sharing this to myself, perhaps to you too, reflecting on where I'm attempting to take control and credit over something that is His. Exhausting myself trying to tell something to grow when I've never had the power to do that anyway. Trust Him, trust His time, trust His ability, trust His heart. There is a harvest on the way, but it has little to do with me, and much to do with Him.

...In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life." ~James 1:21

Salt

Sometimes I really am searching for my lost shaker of salt... not for my margaritas, I'm out of that phase of life now. But honestly lacking in spiritual saltiness.

Jesus gave his disciples (myself included) the job title of "salt of the earth". (Matt 5:13) 

And Paul told the Colossian church to be sure their conversations were "seasoned with salt". (Col 4:6)

And so I've known salt to be a good thing, on fries and in life, but never really understood what exactly this spirtual salt stood for. So I did some research and looked into the uses of salt (call me a dork, it's cool)...what I found truly moved me, encouraged me, and convicted me to USE and BE salt.

4 Main Uses of Salt

• Enhances 
• Salt enhances the flavor of what already is; it brings out the best in something.
• Cleanses
• Salt lifts stains and dirt, removing residue and leaving it much cleaner than it was found. 
• Preserves 
• Salt preserves things in a state it is able to remain. 
• Heals
• Salt heals wounds and calms irritation. 

Let your words, actions, and entire being enhance, cleanse, preserve, and heal those around you. 

True salt. 

Jealous

I don't have much time... I'm sitting here typing one-handed with a baby on my lap and bottle in the other hand. I got two other munchkins riding anything with wheels down the front walkway with a side-smirk showing through because they know it's past bedtime. But I wanted to get this down, if just for myself, before my head hits the pillow seeming to erase the day's wisdom, etch-a-sketch style, gone.

I spent a good amount of time this morning replenishing a tree I've been turning into the local gathering place for the neighborhood birds. The tree tavern serves cardinals, jays, finches, woodpeckers, and hummingbirds... it certainly brings out the dork in me. But colorful visitors, especially while washing dishes (again) or during a particularly quiet naptime, brings variety and company right to my window.
I had restocked four feeders and added some fresh water; there was already a ton of activity and a hummingbird darting around me in anticipation with the nectar still in my hand.
But later, while my littlest ones were asleep, and I had a moment to stare and enjoy, there was nothing. Not one bird. And I was given a thought, a complete, uninterrupted thought:

If they know there is constant nourishment here, why would they even bother looking anywhere else? 

Oh, I actually said aloud.
Wow, is that me God? I do that too?
You too are constant. You are sustaining. You are abundant. You are never-ending. And yet I still look elsewhere sometimes. What else is out there? Is there something better, more convenient, tastier?
I've tasted and I've seen, so why ever leave, if even for a second, that Good, Life-giving Source.

"Then Jesus declared, 'I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.'" ~John 6:35

In that moment, I actually found myself jealous for these birds I've come to know, come back, come back, where did you go? I'm right here and ready to constantly feed you, fill you, enjoy you... but where are you?

"Do not worship any other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God." ~ Exodus 34:14

Oh.

Resource

I'd just like to take a second to offer myself as a resource for anyone you may know facing an unexpected pregnancy. 

I have some life experience to pull from, but also actual training and time spent as a counselor at a pregnancy clinic which may be useful to someone out there.

Currently, I stay home with my three little ones. But what with Facebook, texting, e-mail, etc., I've realized I'm still available and able to help. I can at least talk through options, provide information, and just be a listening ear.

Feel free to message or e-mail me (michelle.umbehauer@gmail.com) and/or pass this information along however you may want. 
Thanks.

Put Simply

It's buzzing today that CVS announced it will stop selling all tobacco products in its stores. I was pretty surprised by this, and I know people will have all sorts of opinions on it today. But after reading what the CEO of CVS had to say, it got me thinking. He stated:

"Put simply, the sale of tobacco products is inconsistent with our purpose." 

Good for them! They recognized their purpose, what they stand for, and realized they were plainly contradicting it by their actions. And after that realization, the next step was simple: stop the action.

Companies all have an aim, a mission statement. But what's yours? What's mine?

My purpose is to be ambassador of Christ in this world, an example to people of God's loving grace and hopeful truth. (2 Corinthians 5:20)

It's fair to stop and ask myself now and again, what in my life is inconsistent with my purpose? And if I find something, am I willing to cut it off, no matter the cost? (Matt 18:7-9)

It's projected that CVS will lose $2 billion annually by ending tobacco sales! That's significant, even to a major corporation, but they feel it's necessary in order to remain consistent. CVS claimed they were seeking to improve customer health, but they sold disease-causing, habit-forming products.

What's holding me back from my purpose? My aim, to be like Him.

• Attempting to worship and glorify Him early Sunday, but being a drunken mess all night Saturday?
• Singing of His Love, but speaking loads of hatred to strangers?
• Knowing of Gratitude, but whining all over Facebook?
• ____________, but __________________?

Locating the inconsistencies and taking the action to end them. Not to be perfect. We won't. But to be consistent with our purpose. A worthy, worthy attempt.

I Need You Still

What with having a semi-needy newborn, a tornado of a 2 year-old, and a new home that I'm resolving to actually keep up with, I haven't been able to sit, gather up my mind, and write until now.
(Thank you two-hour delay and PBS!)
My time alone with my thoughts and my God has mostly been confined to 15-20 minutes before the sun's even up. But at least it's there. It's not pushed aside. Not ever again.

I have a confession and I could use the above reasons as an excuse, but I won't. Because I'm not confessing out of guilt, I'm confessing to remind myself never to let this happen again. I'm confessing to declare that I have needs. Big ones. Ones that I can not function, breathe, walk, especially parent, without.

I NEED GOD, I NEED HIS WORD, I NEED PRAYER. I still NEED it.

We moved a little over a month ago, right before Christmastime. It wasn't until after New Year's that I realized my go-to Bible was still packed away. My toaster was out and popping and my TV was fully functioning, but of the half a dozen boxes still left unopened was the one labeled "IMPORTANT" with my Book inside, closed.

With the holidays, our Bible Study was on vacation. With all the projects around the house, weekly prayer time with my hubby was pushed aside. With a baby shifting around my sleep, my early morning time with Him was traded in for more time with my sheets. Maybe my writer's block was due to lack of Word, not time.
And when the holidays came and went, and all 3 kids had been home for weeks, and the house still wasn't where I wanted it, and had almost no routine to lean on, and had hardly had any real talk with my husband, I lost it. Crumbled. Completely caved in to every pressure around me.

It took an emergency date night with my husband early this month and time away from the house, kids, etc. for me to wake up. My husband will confess right along side me (triangle, bam!) that we kidded ourselves, if just for a few weeks, that we could do this solo. Without the spiritual support of each other, but most importantly, without Him. We were see-you-on-Sunday followers.

When the world seems to be going swimmingly, blessings all around, we tend to forget our desperate state. But I want to be constantly desperate. Needy. For Him only. And intentional to fill that need daily. Not if I get to it. Not if she sleeps in today. Not if that project gets done. Everyday, needing Him and going. Running into His arms and filling myself up with His Love and Grace and Mercy and Truth and Joy and.... everything I need, in Him.

I won't be thirsty. I have a bubbling spring within me, I'm going to drink from it often. More than often. Now. Always. Every second. Sipping, gulping, slurping. And I have food. So much food! Food some know nothing about. My nourishment comes from doing His will. (John 4)

But you gotta check-in with the Boss to see what He has for you. Hallelujah, I'm here, I'm sorry, I need You still, as much as when I was broken on a dirty dorm floor, I need you now, on my newly cleaned kitchen floor, I need you just as much. 

And I won't forget it.