Honeymoon Phase

My hubby and I recently celebrated 4 years married, the honeymoon phase is long gone, but (most of the time) we enjoy spending time together, that is when we carve out the time to do so. But with any extended relationship, comes changes to its dynamic, comfort level, effort involved; it's what doesn't change that's key.

Earlier in the summer, the two of us got away for the weekend. Away from the busyness of three little ones, the noise of  media, and all of the distractions that follow us around. One night, we sat outside on a bench and watched the sun set over the Chesapeake Bay. As we enjoyed the stillness, we couldn't help but to watch a young couple walk down to the dock together and adorably take a seat, feet hanging over, side-by-side. As the girl leaned back onto her hands and innocently swayed her feet over the water, her fancy flats flew out into the bay. She laughed in embarrassment and with little hesitation, her guy stripped off his polo and jumped right in to the unknowing depths of the bay, paddling out in search of her shoes.
Doug and I enjoyed our entertainment and both agreed out loud, "No way they're married!" He confessed if it was us, 4 years in, he would have just counted the shoes a loss. He did admit it may have been different say 5 years ago.

In the beginning of any relationship, there is so much to talk about, so much to learn, so much to look forward to. Everything seems so new and exciting. An eagerness to see, hear, hold, give. A wanting to do anything for them, being alert to any opportunity to serve them, prove your affection to them.

Several years in, you may feel like you already have heard all there is to hear, with not much left to learn, wondering if the best has come and gone. Things become routine, habitual. Eagerness turns to expectedness and where's the desire to prove something that's already being proclaimed?

I'm not saying that the hubby and I are there, there are mundane moments for sure, but if we didn't put time aside, to talk, to pray, to hold one other, to watch sunsets, to simply enjoy, I'm sure we would be. Stuck there, not knowing how to get back to the initial infatuation and excitement.

And this relational dynamic is just the same with my Heavenly Father, Savior, Best Friend. It's been years now, a decade maybe, going from knowing nothing, to wanting to know everything, to feeling sometimes like I've now heard it all, again and again. What's new? What's left? What's to look forward to? Going from full surrender of how can I serve you, to what do I have time for? What am I comfortable with?

But just like a husband and wife, we should never allow ourselves to get stuck there. It's an unproductive, destructive place to remain. The cure for my husband and I is time away to enjoy, rekindle, remember... the same for God and I.

There is much left to know about my husband, even more left to realize about my God. I want to be filled with joy each time my husband returns home, I want to overflow with joy each time I return Home. I want to serve, because I love and because I am loved. Because of a promise I made. I want to remain excited, with each date, with each time I open my Word. So much to look forward to, more than I can comprehend.

I want weeks, seasons, years, generations to pass, and to find myself willing and wanting. Willing to jump in, clothes and all, swimming, searching, serving. And while I know all relationships change as people do, I need most to remain grateful. Unchanging gratitude, an attitude which has the ability to keep any relationship new.

Then we your people, the sheep of your pasture,

    will thank you forever and ever,

    praising your greatness from generation to generation. 

   ~Psalm 79:13

Rejoice Today

I can't believe we are just 2 weeks away from becoming a family of 5! And this baby could be arriving even sooner with things already getting revved up in there. But with final weeks of pregnancy, anxious feelings tend to weigh heavy on me. Not so much the fearful, uneasy kind of anxiety, but the antsy, impatient kind. Less like worrying and more like hurrying. Just wanting to check off another day to get to tomorrow. You know, wanting a big X asap over today, so the upcoming circled date might come a little sooner.

But how dare I? Honestly, I've been gifted the opportunity to wake up this morning, breathe, see, move, feel, love - and all I want to do is get on with it all? Rush right through? I've said before that worrying is the opposite of trust. In that same way, God has shown me that hurrying is the opposite of gratefulness. Being so consumed with what's next that right now just isn't good enough. So focused on what's ahead of us that we don't take the time to look around us. Planning for tomorrow without enjoying the fullness of today.

The waiting game that comes with delivering a baby is filled with overwhelming eagerness, but we've all been there somehow... if I can just make it through til that vacation, after the holidays I can enjoy things again, once I get this test out of the way I'll go back to being happy. Think of all the days during the countdowns that can be counted as a waste because of the ungratefulness for the now and the hurrying for the next.

Psalm 118:24 declares, 

"This is the day the Lord has made. 

We will rejoice and be glad in it."

We will rejoice...today. We will be glad...today. God has made this day and it is here right now, how could we be anything less than fully thrilled in today. Doug and I had Fred Hammond's lively version of this Psalm
sung at our wedding ceremony with tambourines and all; maybe a little too energetic for some, but the day you get married is certainly a day to rejoice and be glad. The day you leave for the ever-awaited trip, of course you're glad in that day. The day a baby's enters this world - no doubt you will rejoice! But what about the inbetweeners - each of those are still THE day the Lord has made.

After feeling a little anxious this past week, God reminded me of some real things that humbly returned my hurrying into extreme gratefulness. One year ago today, I was actually pregnant. Pregnant with a baby that we eventually lost; in fact, we lost her on the date that this baby is due. But now, a year later, we are blessed and ready to welcome a child we intend to hold on this side of heaven. Yet, this past spring, we thought we weren't going to have that opportunity either, with a rough early pregnancy that had nurses shocked to see a sustaining heartbeat. But now at full-term, how can I do anything, but rejoice and be glad?? Be thrilled and sing for joy because of what God has done (Psalm 92:4).

I came across own words recently that I expressed just weeks after our miscarriage. After the follow-up appointment, I penned that I had to "...let one woman go before me in line because she was clearly overdue and obviously uncomfortable. I felt my face starting to burn up, heated with the overwhelming desire to feel the awkward agony that this 40-week pregnant mother was feeling. Oh what I would do to have that beautiful distress."

About a year ago, I was jealous, practically in tears, desiring to be in an overdue, pregnant women's (tight and uncomfortable) shoes, and now here I am at full-term entertaining thoughts of "hurry up and let's get this over with"? Nope, God used my own words against myself to remind me to be grateful, to rejoice, right now, today. The days filled with beautiful distress and awkward agony are good, good days. For all of us. And here I am in them, so I will rejoice and be glad - today!