This past week brought an intricate range of emotion for me. From the sobs of a stormy viewing, to the heaviness of presenting a eulogy, to the reality of seeing your friend put in the ground. The smiles and hugs from old friends, to the refreshing introduction of brand-new friends. The kind, appreciative words from grieving parents, to the abundance of hilarious words from my children this week. Tears, smiles, trembling, embracing, weeping, laughing. All of it at once.
This week was a whirlwind of ups and downs. It was exhausting for sure, but it can be appreciated at the same time. Just the realization that we have the ability to feel all these things, even contrasting emotions simultaneously. "It's happy that Drew's in heaven, but sad his family won't see him for one hundred million weeks," my preschooler explained to me last night. But what a reminder that as humans we have both overflowing joys and deep burdens in our hearts, and the capacity to experience them. God uniquely created us to feel these things. And not to numb them like we can so easily try to do, but to bring them to Him with thanks or with tears, or better yet - with both. One of the most powerful verses, and yet the shortest in the entire Bible is John 11:35 "
Jesus wept."
God knows our emotion, yet at the same time, He wants us to tell Him about it and lay it at His feet. Happy, sad, pissed, giddy. All of it.
I've said before that writing is a form of self-teaching for me, the organizing of my own thoughts and emotions into complete sentences. Yet I think I underestimated the power taking time to read what I had poured out. Perhaps it felt prideful or even embarrassing if I thought too much about my writing and the idea that people are actually reading all this. Yet over the last week, I've received such an outpouring from others who were encouraged or comforted by reading my words, so I decided to go back and actually read what I had to say over the last couple years.
I learned two things from this:
the best reminders and encouragements can come from your own experiences, and I really like the Psalms! I realized I had quoted the Psalms in at least
ten different posts; they were all different verses in different contexts dealing with all sorts of emotions. The Book of Psalms in the Old Testament is smack in the middle of the Bible and was historically written by David, the King of Israel around 1000 BC. It is filled with poems to God, simply pouring out his varying, day-to-day, raw emotions of life. This is why I love them so much. Even though they were written about 3,000 years ago, they are entirely applicable and perfectly relatable today. It ranges from beautiful songs of praise and joy, to cries of pain and questions of why. It is a perfect place to start if you've never opened a Bible before, and an awesome place to return to for those more familiar. Just the realness of it is encouraging. Perhaps that's why some have also found comfort in what I have to say, because it's real, just my life, but it is laced with God's truth.
This week I experienced just about every emotion under the sun, but God is right there with us, like a friend holding our hand in all of it. It's overwhelming to think about, but comforting to know that He knows our hearts and everything inside of them. To quote another Psalm
"Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!" -Psalm 139:6
Like it says, I might not be able to truly wrap my head around this reality of such a personal, loving God, but even still, I can be comforted, hopeful, and thankful for a God who knows my emotions, especially in weeks like these.
