A Time To...

Last week, I found myself smack in the middle of two very extreme realities that we mere humans have a hard time even beginning to wrap our head around.

Life and Death.
Creation and End.
Hope and Despair.
Joy and Mourning.

Experiencing all of these in less than an hour was brutally overwhelming, yet refreshingly raw.
Just real.

My uncle battled a tough fight with multiple myleoma. We all watched as he so slowly, then suddenly much more rapidly, died before our eyes over the last couple of years.

As my husband and I had an unavoidable spectator's seat in this, we were nudged to discuss big realities in our own lives, in our family dynamic, in humanity itself; we were able to mourn while living.

But even with the somewhat blessing of being prepared for this personal tragedy, we still weren't.

With a coffin in front of us, it still hit hard as I watched my aunt crying over her best friend, my teenage cousin casually conversating with his dad. Saying final goodbyes.

We weep when we see a loved one lifeless, like Jesus Himself did when he saw his friend Lazarus. They're right here with us, but not here.

We weep also when we see a baby on a screen full of life. They're not yet here with us, but so very here.


We had to schedule an ultrasound a month in advance. You know, the big one. Full bladder. Gender revealed. Hours on a table. Goo on top of goo. After going back and forth, we decided to keep the appointment. Straight from the cemetary, my husband and I drove directly to the doctor's office, with just minutes to spare.

Him in a dark suit, me a black maternity dress, pearls, mascara smeared. We entered the dark room and made small talk with the smiley technician. I lift up my layers of black and got ready for the familar. But this, though familar, never gets old.

The vivid pumping of the heartbeat, the little toes, the exaggerated squirms, the perfect lips, the nose.

"There's the baby's legs right there and it looks like..."
"A girl," I answered myself, an all-knowing veteran at this point.
My husband in shock and awe, still and again. Me with tears streaming quietly down my cheeks.

The same tears from just an hour earlier, but not. More like tears to wash away tears.

Life in the midst of death. A new creation in the midst of an end. So much hope in the midst of despair. True joy in the midst of mourning.

Really, what Christ offers us all.


At the funeral mass, my brother went to the altar and read these ancient, holy words:

"There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,     

 a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,    

 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,  

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 

 a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,    

 a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,      

a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace."

-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

When those times above are juxtaposed so closely in life that they overlap seasons, moments really, our humanity itself can overwhelm us. 

But to have a God who is sovereign over it all is all. Everything in everything.

~~~

To donate in memory of my uncle and in honor of my cousin's future, please click below:

Joe Jr. Fund

New

For the month of January at our home pre-school, we focused on the theme of  "new".  New Year. New home. New friends. New Jersey. Lots of newness! Our bible verse was 2 Corinthians 5:17 which Baileigh can tell you says, "Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person, the old life is gone and the new life has begun." With this theme of new and this matching verse, I was able to share my testimony with my daughter for the first time. It was in the simplest form possible, but it still took a lot for me to share with her. I just said, "You know, Jesus made Mommy a new person. Daddy too. We didn't know Jesus when we were growing up. But now that we do, He has completely changed us. We're so glad our old life is gone." The only thing she didn't understand was how I could have not known about Jesus, I guess because her day-to-day is pretty filled with Him. But that just made me feel like I must be doing something right! She and I learned some of the sign language to go along with the verse like we usually do, but this time, it really connected with me. The sign used for "gone" looks like you're pulling something out of your brain, like literally removing it from your mind. I loved that. It wasn't like you were pushing it behind you or sweeping it under the rug. Instead it's removed. Extracted. Erased. Gone. For good.

Marriage Retreat 2013

I know it. But even still, there's times when I'll hear a whisper telling me it's not true. "You're still who you were, you'll never really change, that's just what you've always been." The lies like to creep in my head when I'm not paying attention, and lately they've been pretty loud. But good thing I memorized that Truth last month with my 4-year-old and the Truth overrides it all. I belong to Christ. He has made me new. My old life is gone. My new life is here. And He is continuing to make me new in all aspects of my life. The obvious ones are the things I can see: how I spend my time, what I choose to do and say. But even deep in my heart and mind, He has and still is making all of it new. The Bible says to not act like everyone else or like you used to, but instead to let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. (Romans 12:2) Another translation of that same verse says to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Let God renew your mind. He can make not only you and your life new on the outside, but every thought new. Completely new. Not how you once thought, not how you've thought for as long as you can remember. Not giving in to the lie that it's how I've always been and how I'll always be. But instead LETTING God transform you, starting with the way you think. Don't settle for how it was. Don't be content with how it's always been. Anyone who belongs to Christ is a new person. The old life, all of it, is gone. Get rid of it. Pull it out of your brain, like the sign illustrates so powerfully, and don't let it back in. Then hand your mind over to God and He will make it new. Fill it with Truth and don't leave room for the lies. If they sneak in, pull em out again and replace them with more Truth. I recently confessed to my husband that I've really been doubting myself and my abilities, and Doug said so simply, "Then you need more Jesus." Touche babe. Only He is able to make beautiful things where junk once stood, but you have to let Him, and be willing to let your old ways of thinking go, and replace it with new, new, new. When you do this (Romans 12:2 continues) then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.  

"Letting go of my past

And glad I have another chance

And my heart will dance

'Cause I don't have to read that page again

Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone"

-Kirk Franklin, "Imagine Me"

(I came across this song in college. 

It gave me my first glimpse of what "new" could look like; 

the end still gets me every time)

Spring has Sprung

I love the first day of Spring. Mostly because FREE RITA'S of course, but I also love the anticipation of watching new life spring up all around. The beauty of the sunshine, budding trees, and blooming flowers makes me happy in a certain unique way. New life is beautiful, hopeful, and here.

My husband told me last night, "I can't wait to get out this weekend with the sprayer and finally get rid of all those weeds around the house. Anything green is getting sprayed!" "No!" I yelled back in an unnecessarily dramatic way. "Didn't you see all the daffodil plants coming up through the weeds?"

We moved to this place last June and missed most of the Spring blooms. By the time we settled down, the house just looked covered in an overwhelming amount of weeds. My husband has literally been talking about taking on these weeds for almost a year and is more than ready. But these unexpected daffodils, hyacinths and crocuses are coming up all through the junk. With each colorful bloom I get ridiculously excited. Flowers give me much joy, but even more comes from the reminder of new life!



Throughout the season we're surrounded with bunnies, blossoms, eggs, and chicks, and while they may have become a bit commercialized, each one of them reminds us of life - thriving, beautiful, new life.

The Bible says that everyone who belongs to Christ is a new creation - the old has gone and the new life has begun (2 Corinithians 5:17).  Only through Christ can beauty spring out of pile of junk, a beautiful flower blooming out of the weeds. God has the ability to make all things, in every season, NEW. 1 Peter 1: 23 says that because of Jesus "you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God."


This resilient daffodil is a beautiful visual of the new life we have in Christ. Not just in the Spring, but everyday, no matter what comes our way, we can stand imperishable through the living word of God.

"You turn winter into spring 

You take every living thing 

And You breathe Your breath of life into it over and over again 

You made the sunrise, day after day after day 

But there's a morning coming, when old things will all pass away 

And everyone will see 

You make all things new 

Come redeem and come transform 

Come renew and come restore "

-Steven Curtis Chapman, "You Make All Things New"