(Thank you two-hour delay and PBS!)
My time alone with my thoughts and my God has mostly been confined to 15-20 minutes before the sun's even up. But at least it's there. It's not pushed aside. Not ever again.
I have a confession and I could use the above reasons as an excuse, but I won't. Because I'm not confessing out of guilt, I'm confessing to remind myself never to let this happen again. I'm confessing to declare that I have needs. Big ones. Ones that I can not function, breathe, walk, especially parent, without.
I NEED GOD, I NEED HIS WORD, I NEED PRAYER. I still NEED it.
We moved a little over a month ago, right before Christmastime. It wasn't until after New Year's that I realized my go-to Bible was still packed away. My toaster was out and popping and my TV was fully functioning, but of the half a dozen boxes still left unopened was the one labeled "IMPORTANT" with my Book inside, closed.With the holidays, our Bible Study was on vacation. With all the projects around the house, weekly prayer time with my hubby was pushed aside. With a baby shifting around my sleep, my early morning time with Him was traded in for more time with my sheets. Maybe my writer's block was due to lack of Word, not time.
And when the holidays came and went, and all 3 kids had been home for weeks, and the house still wasn't where I wanted it, and had almost no routine to lean on, and had hardly had any real talk with my husband, I lost it. Crumbled. Completely caved in to every pressure around me.
It took an emergency date night with my husband early this month and time away from the house, kids, etc. for me to wake up. My husband will confess right along side me (triangle, bam!) that we kidded ourselves, if just for a few weeks, that we could do this solo. Without the spiritual support of each other, but most importantly, without Him. We were see-you-on-Sunday followers.
When the world seems to be going swimmingly, blessings all around, we tend to forget our desperate state. But I want to be constantly desperate. Needy. For Him only. And intentional to fill that need daily. Not if I get to it. Not if she sleeps in today. Not if that project gets done. Everyday, needing Him and going. Running into His arms and filling myself up with His Love and Grace and Mercy and Truth and Joy and.... everything I need, in Him.
I won't be thirsty. I have a bubbling spring within me, I'm going to drink from it often. More than often. Now. Always. Every second. Sipping, gulping, slurping. And I have food. So much food! Food some know nothing about. My nourishment comes from doing His will. (John 4)
But you gotta check-in with the Boss to see what He has for you. Hallelujah, I'm here, I'm sorry, I need You still, as much as when I was broken on a dirty dorm floor, I need you now, on my newly cleaned kitchen floor, I need you just as much.
And I won't forget it.
