Respect Thanksgiving

Things have gotten a little busy around here with one in kindergarten and two in diapers. Even still, all sorts of little nuggets of thought are always floating around in my head and its always nice to be able to get them out with written words. And for both diapered wee ones to be asleep at same time right now is quite the mini-miracle... so here I go!

Something timely that's been on my mind this week is Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving - the prelude to Christmas.

In our house, Daddy is pretty much the Grinch about all things Christmas until after the turkey has been put away and the football games are over. Then, he concludes, the Christmas season is permitted to begin. He has actually hidden dvds, banned christmas music in his presence (I sneak it in the car), looked the other way in stores, and yelled, "Nonsense!" to the early outdoor lighters. (Yet, he can put back n/a egg nog by the half-gal with no hesitation at anytime?) His exaggerated point in all this though - respect Thanksgiving first.

I guess I get it. But more than appreciating Thanksgiving as just a calendar holiday which falls before Xmas, Thanksgiving needs to be recognized in our hearts as a prerequisite to Christmas.

Respect Thanksgiving by giving thanks to the Giver for the greatest Gift of all.

I've been teaching our 2 year-old a bit about the holiday. I made a silly jingle up that we sing-"Thankful means I'm glaaad, glad for what I have!"
Some of the things he's thankful for? Apple juice, movies, his baby sister... and to my pleasant surprise, he included Jesus in his list. My toddler can tell you "Jesus. Love. Dougie." And it warmed my heart to know that he is already glad for what he has in Jesus.

To use Thanksgiving to its full prelude potential, we can prepare our hearts for what's on its way. Being thankful that precious Jesus is coming, then waiting on that expectantly with huge hope. We know what's coming, the big One is just around the corner, and we can be so glad for its impending arrival! Not with a rushed, antsyness that always ends with an anti-climatic mess of wrapping paper on the floor. But with a overflowing thankfulness for the Gift we know is coming, the Gift that has already been given, and the Gift that is here to stay in our hearts 365 days a year.

Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!

 ~2 Corinthians 9:15

This Thanksgiving, as a personal reflection with yourself and God or as a family activity, think about making or writing out a "thank-you" card.
To: God.  From: Me. Don't just feel thankful on Thanksgiving, tell Him so. Remember His indescribable gift and His wonderful deeds!


We thank you, O God!
    We give thanks because you are near.
    People everywhere tell of your wonderful deeds.  ~ Psalm 75:1

Rejoice Today

I can't believe we are just 2 weeks away from becoming a family of 5! And this baby could be arriving even sooner with things already getting revved up in there. But with final weeks of pregnancy, anxious feelings tend to weigh heavy on me. Not so much the fearful, uneasy kind of anxiety, but the antsy, impatient kind. Less like worrying and more like hurrying. Just wanting to check off another day to get to tomorrow. You know, wanting a big X asap over today, so the upcoming circled date might come a little sooner.

But how dare I? Honestly, I've been gifted the opportunity to wake up this morning, breathe, see, move, feel, love - and all I want to do is get on with it all? Rush right through? I've said before that worrying is the opposite of trust. In that same way, God has shown me that hurrying is the opposite of gratefulness. Being so consumed with what's next that right now just isn't good enough. So focused on what's ahead of us that we don't take the time to look around us. Planning for tomorrow without enjoying the fullness of today.

The waiting game that comes with delivering a baby is filled with overwhelming eagerness, but we've all been there somehow... if I can just make it through til that vacation, after the holidays I can enjoy things again, once I get this test out of the way I'll go back to being happy. Think of all the days during the countdowns that can be counted as a waste because of the ungratefulness for the now and the hurrying for the next.

Psalm 118:24 declares, 

"This is the day the Lord has made. 

We will rejoice and be glad in it."

We will rejoice...today. We will be glad...today. God has made this day and it is here right now, how could we be anything less than fully thrilled in today. Doug and I had Fred Hammond's lively version of this Psalm
sung at our wedding ceremony with tambourines and all; maybe a little too energetic for some, but the day you get married is certainly a day to rejoice and be glad. The day you leave for the ever-awaited trip, of course you're glad in that day. The day a baby's enters this world - no doubt you will rejoice! But what about the inbetweeners - each of those are still THE day the Lord has made.

After feeling a little anxious this past week, God reminded me of some real things that humbly returned my hurrying into extreme gratefulness. One year ago today, I was actually pregnant. Pregnant with a baby that we eventually lost; in fact, we lost her on the date that this baby is due. But now, a year later, we are blessed and ready to welcome a child we intend to hold on this side of heaven. Yet, this past spring, we thought we weren't going to have that opportunity either, with a rough early pregnancy that had nurses shocked to see a sustaining heartbeat. But now at full-term, how can I do anything, but rejoice and be glad?? Be thrilled and sing for joy because of what God has done (Psalm 92:4).

I came across own words recently that I expressed just weeks after our miscarriage. After the follow-up appointment, I penned that I had to "...let one woman go before me in line because she was clearly overdue and obviously uncomfortable. I felt my face starting to burn up, heated with the overwhelming desire to feel the awkward agony that this 40-week pregnant mother was feeling. Oh what I would do to have that beautiful distress."

About a year ago, I was jealous, practically in tears, desiring to be in an overdue, pregnant women's (tight and uncomfortable) shoes, and now here I am at full-term entertaining thoughts of "hurry up and let's get this over with"? Nope, God used my own words against myself to remind me to be grateful, to rejoice, right now, today. The days filled with beautiful distress and awkward agony are good, good days. For all of us. And here I am in them, so I will rejoice and be glad - today!

A Single Day

Today I'm halfway to fifty! Never did I think I'd have almost 3 children by the time I was 25, but blessed is the one whom God corrects (Job 5:17) and I am so incredibly glad for that! So as today is a celebratory day for me and my family, I also can't help but to remember that a year ago today one of my dearest friends passed away. I wanted to share a few Psalms I've been focusing on this week in remembrance of Drew. To not look on today as an anniversary of death, but a celebration of salvation! Thinking about the day he met his God and what that all means for us.

"A single day in your courts

    is better than a thousand anywhere else!"

~Psalm 84:10

The truth is just one day in heaven with our God is better than a thousand days at our favorite destination.

___________________________

"Teach us to realize the brevity of life,
    so that we may grow in wisdom."
~Psalm 90:12

God, help us to remember each day that this life is short and to be cherished.

____________________________

"Because you are my helper,
    I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings.
 I cling to you;
    your strong right hand holds me securely."
~Psalm 63:7-8

On the days we're struggling, we still have God as our help, and we can take great comfort in that.

______________________________

Lastly, thinking on Heaven, salvation, and the incredible story of how Drew prayed to the Lord with two of his closest friends several weeks before he passed, I tuck Ephesians 2:8-9 deep into my heart to hold on to.

"God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it."

Thank you, God for your amazing grace and gift of salvation; the only thing that really depends on us is our belief and trust in You. 

Mouse in the House

One of the unconsidered joys of living in an old farmhouse surrounded by horses and fields is the occasional mouse that comes wandering in looking for shelter. I guess I figured they were probably around, but lately it’s become more than obvious (i.e. -  when one stops right in front of me and stares for a while).

 A few months back, when I saw the first gray blur scurry past me one night, I screamed so loud that I woke the kids, and Baileigh came running downstairs. I was standing on top of the dining room table, so she just joined me. Doug was out coaching that night, and we actually stood and even slept on the wooden table for almost 3 hours until he got back. After that incident I hadn’t physically seen one in a while, but just the other week, Doug and I rented a movie, sat down to relax after the kiddos were down,  and this then little guy ran out in front of us then ran away then came back again. I stood on top of the couch hysterically crying, covering my eyes, yelling at Doug to just tell me when it was over. (We ended up waking up the kids and sleeping at Mima’s that night because Mommy was unstable.)

So needless to say, this has always been a horrible phobia of mine. It might have slightly settled down a bit once I became more acquainted with these guys. But if being 8-months pregnant isn’t enough to keep you awake at night, a chilling scritch-scratch sound behind the old walls will certainly do the job. I’m exhausted. After trying every humane, home-remedy (traps, oils, buzzing machines), we finally taped up the gaping farmhouse holes and got an exterminator. So I’d say the problem is finally under control, or at least we’re on the winning side at this point in the game. Plus, literally facing this fear of mine has toughened me up quite a bit.

Of course, even mice issues bring me back to God though. At some point, I realized there wasn’t much my husband could do to protect me. I had spent at least 100 bucks on “best-selling solutions”.  And the exterminator, while a relief, said after his 10-minute treatment  to “give it a week or so.” So who was going to help me? I wasn’t sleeping. I was completely paranoid, even out in public. And my day-to-day essentials, like going to the bathroom or cleaning around the house, were becoming an exhausting mental battle.

So I got down with some raw, impromptu prayer - no fancy words, not on my knees, not even with my eyes closed (they haven’t been closed in weeks, this was no exception, too vulnerable).  Think wide-eyed, slightly psycho-sounding mumblings instead.

·         “Jesus, protect me, protect me. Give me protection.”

·         “Give me peace of mind, Lord. Calm me down. I’m freaking out!”

·         “Help me function. I’m running on nothing. Please, God! Please, please, please.”

And while they may just be mouse-in-the-house type prayers, they were some of the realest prayers I’ve prayed in a while because I was so desperate! I’ve personally seen time and again that out of desperation, God delivers. I’d also say it’s a humbling state to be shaking over something furry and smaller than my fist. Humbled and Desperate makes for good prayer!

 I realized too that everything I was praying for at 4 a.m. was Bible-backed, God-guaranteed.

·         Protection

·         Peace

·         Strength

…some of the main promises of God.  And when I cry out to Him for these things, in desperation and with expectation, I  know I’ll be heard and answered. Thank goodness. I just don’t know why I far too often go to Him as my last resort. After I tell the hubby, after I browse the internet, after call the professional, then I think, oh hey, did I even take this to God yet? He needs to be my number one emergency contact, regardless of the emergency. God cares about something as small as a mouse in the middle of the night because it’s big to me and I am His child.

“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”

~ 1 Peter 5:7

Under Pressure

A turning point for me in my walk with God was realizing the only nuggets of wisdom I needed, the main source of advice, and the greatest encouragement came from my Bible. Self-help type books, 5 easy step fix-its, and inspirational quotes without God’s voice in them suddenly seemed useless. Often times they even contradicted each other – something that I hadn’t been able to identify before I really began to study and cherish the Word. But then it quickly became easy to decipher…this is what God says, this is what the world says. We all have the choice of who we are going to listen to.  Often we can’t listen to both, especially when they’re opposing each other.

With that being said, I didn’t expect to be moved by a fortune cookie the other night. They tend to be a dangerous blend of ancient Chinese proverbs, Biblical blurbs, psychic predictions, and pop song lyrics. But my husband’s strip of wisdom read, “Courage is grace under pressure.” 

Lately, I’ve been praying for grace… to give it, to choose it, to recognize it and pass it. And I’ve been feeling under pressure, just the day-to-day kind, surrounded by squabbles and young defiance mixed with some my own fatigue and irritability (plus an extra 25 lbs out front can put on some real pressure too).  But if courage equals grace under pressure, then is courage actually what I’m in need of?

Courage and Grace – two words that frequent my Bible and two promises that God has gifted us. I did I quick Google search to see if this quote may have actually been from the Book of Proverbs or something along those lines. After all, it fit the theme. But in fact it was Hemingway who said it. Ernest Hemingway. Probably one of the only authors from my school days that I could still remember the titles, plots, and themes of some of his novels and short stories. I always enjoyed his overly simplistic, yet somehow thoroughly detailed writing style.  A great author for sure, but not exactly God.

With this on my mind, I went to the Word. These verses were still perfectly fitting Hemingway’s concise definition, yet from God’s frame of reference. I learned what this housewife, mom, everyday-doer may been lacking is ever-present courage - the ability to give grace under pressure.

1 Corinthians 16: 13-14 instructs us to:

-Be on guard.

-Stand firm.

-Be courageous.

AND do everything with love.

Grace is just that. Courageously doing everything with love while standing firm and on guard despite the pressures around us.  Emphasis on doing everything with love.  God’s personal way of doing things, isn’t it?

Then Psalm 27:14 brings up another aspect. It says,

“Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.”

So courage = grace under pressure. 

Grace under pressure = doing everything with love + waiting patiently.

The equation makes clear what I’m asking for and what I need, but the cookie was missing one key part that makes it all possible…God.

Titus 2:11-12 says, “For the grace of God has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in this present age…”

The grace of God that has appeared and who teaches us to use self-control, even under pressure, is Christ himself. Without him, I wouldn’t stand a chance. And hear this…when He walked out on the water and his friends were terrified and freaking out, He called out to them, “Take courage. I am here!”

Because Christ is here with us we can take courage. We can display grace under pressure. We can choose to act in love and patience and self-control. Because He is here! When I’m praying under pressure, I’m asking to act in grace. When I need to act in grace, I must have courage. In order to do any of this, I must remember first that He is here. Mid-tantrum. Mid-battle. Mid-moodswing. Mid-contraction. Christ is there, so I can take courage. And when under pressure, I can choose grace.  

 _______________________________________________________________

(Speaking of courage = grace under pressure, this timely example is unbelievable! I journaled this before I heard this story, but what courage, true grace under extreme pressure.)

Jesus said...4

Forgiveness last week challenged me. What stuck the most was the parable of the King and the servant that Jesus told. Remember when the King forgave the servant of a huge, unpayable debt, the same servant immediately went out and acted unforgiving to another for a much smaller debt. The King in the story is like God and we are the servant that He undeservingly forgave. I imagine God saying to me, just like the King said, “I forgave you of that tremendous debt (all of your sins) because You came to me and asked. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your friend, parents, spouse, fill-in-the-blank, just as I had mercy on you?” Jesus’ stories may come off as abstract sometimes, but they are very personal analogies to give us a better understanding of what He’s saying to us.

Some topics, however, He explained in a pretty clear-cut way. Unfortunately, these might also be the ones we try to complicate the most. This week, we’ll focus on what Jesus said about Heaven. Heaven…the place He left to come down to Earth, the place He returned to when He rose again, and the place He promised could be for us as well.  This week we’ll be able to read the very words Jesus spoke about Heaven, how we get there, and what HOPE there is in that! Use this week as an opportunity to solidify or renew what you personally believe. Confess this statement of belief to God, for the first time or the fiftieth, and then share the joy of your hope with someone else! I’m so glad someone told me :) Now what Jesus said...

WEEK FOUR

 Our Hope of Heaven

John 17:3

-Jesus said this in prayer to God soon before being arrested. I’m so thankful He prayed it out loud for his disciples to hear and for me to read right now. It makes the complexity of Heaven seem more like a simple equation:   

Eternal Life = to know _____________+ _____________

           

What’s the difference between “to know” vs. “to know of/about”? (Do you know our President or do you know of him/about him?) Which did Jesus use?

John 5:24

-Look at the text…what actions are required of us to have eternal life?

 (Here’s a hint and a hallelujah…there’s only two verbs.)

John 6:47-51

-I’m sure when the disciples first heard this they were confused, possibly grossed out, yet since we know how the story “ends” with the Last Supper and Jesus on the cross, how does this analogy make a lot of sense to us?

-Go back in your Bible to Exodus 16 to gain more background on manna. This is where Moses is leading the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt and God sends down special food to sustain them.

John 14:1-4          

-What a great conclusion verse to this four-week study! With the context of all Jesus has told us, we do know the way. Write your own prayer of thanks. Tuck it in your Bible or tape it to your mirror, refer to it or pray it out loud when you need some hope!

Please comment below with your favorite verse from the last few weeks – feel free to share anonymously. Thanks for joining me in this… hope it stuck in your mind & blessed your heart.

Jesus Said...3

We’ve been challenged so far to trust and to give, and this week, perhaps the most difficult yet, Jesus says to forgive. 

Forgiveness is another topic where the rest of the world may say one thing, while Jesus commands the opposite. The world says worry, Jesus says trust. The world says store up, Jesus says give away. The world says it’s ok to hold a grudge, Jesus says let it go. 

If you think about it, the world keeps telling us to think about our self, while Jesus wants us to think about God and subsequently others instead.

When looking on forgiveness and restoring relationships, it’s easy to keep our attention on our self and the bitterness/anger that we are entitled to because of how we were wronged and how it made us feel. Yet staying in that place hurts the same person we’re focused on: our self. What has helped me in my own unforgiveness and bitterness has been turning the attention away from me and up toward God, and in doing so I am given the ability, the reason, the push to forgive others. 

Away from self, toward God, extending to others.

Romans 5:8 reminds us that “God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.” While we were still in the wrong, God loved us, showed it, and restored our relationship with Him. We hadn’t yet offered an apology, we weren’t in any way remorseful, perhaps we weren’t even aware of what we had done, but God forgave. “You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins.” (Colossians 2:13) 

God’s forgiveness toward us is the only example and motivation we need to forgive others. If we can keep our focus on what God has done for the sake of our relationship with Him, gratefulness and grace will eventually overflow out into our relationships with others. It's important to realize forgiveness and restoration may or may not involve actual words being spoken, or apologies being offered, or even any recognition of doing wrong (we hadn’t done any of those things when Christ died for us), but forgiveness does involve God. And it’s His sincere desire for you to be like Him and forgive. Here’s what our Savior, Teacher, and Friend said about it…

WEEK THREE: 

Forgiveness in our Relationships

Matthew 18:23-35

        -Relate the story to what Christ has done for you. Who do you hold unforgiveness against?

Matthew 6:14-15

      -Think of the Golden Rule of treating others the way you want to be treated. If you refuse to forgive others, but desire that God forgives you, are you following Jesus' timeless advice?

Matthew 7:1-5

      -Think of an example of a speck in a certain friend's eye (a small fault) and a log in your own (a serious sin). Which does Jesus tell us to get a handle on first, another's speck or our own log? Why does this order make sense?

Luke 17:4

      - According to Jesus, you should forgive that person 2,555+ times a year!  Does this mean you must hang out with them everyday or invite them to hurt you? Where does Jesus tell us forgiveness toward others must come from? (*go back to Matt 18:35)

Lord, thank you for these words, even if they are a little difficult to hear. Thank you that you have forgiven us in Christ and we pray that the least we can do in return is offer that same, undeserved forgiveness to others. I pray I can keep my eyes on You and what you have done for me; please help me to forgive _____________ in my heart. Amen.

He's lucky this wasn't apology number 8 that day  ;)

Jesus Said... 2

WEEK TWO 

I hope everyone felt encouraged by last week’s readings and questions. We learned how God certainly cares for us when we trust in Him, when we seek the Kingdom of God above all else, there is no need to worry. I once heard that worrying is sinning because it is a lack of faith, a fullness of doubt. Definitely makes sense, but if worry is sin, how much have you sinned today? The opposite of this is trust, and trust in Jesus is what brings peace of mind and heart, the only cure that is available nowhere else.  I am so thankful for the gift of peace of mind and heart that Jesus left us with; I pray I choose to utilize it daily!

This week we’ll look at what Jesus said on the topic of our “stuff”. We read last week not to worry about what we are going to eat or wear, but what if these things don’t just consume our minds, but our hearts. We live in a culture of abundance; even the families that live paycheck-to-paycheck in this country (present!) are for sure “wealthy” compared to most of the world. (i.e., half of the world’s population lives on less than $2 a day. Source: World Bank, 2005) So this week may be challenging to hear, it’s definitely in opposition to what society might tell us, but ask God to slowly change your heart to be more like His and He can! Just spending time in His Word can start big changes. (This week I put all questions under the verse they refer to. Try one-a -day to give yourself time to really think and pray on them.)

Here’s what Jesus said about…

Our Money, Possessions, & Riches.

Matthew 6:19-21

                -Where are your beloved treasures stored right now? 
                 Jesus said that’s where our heart's at too.

Matthew 19:21

-Does this give a better understanding of what “store your treasures in heaven” from Matt 6:20 might mean?

Luke 6:24-25

-If our happiness is found only in our money, dining, luxuries, and good times, what does Jesus say we will have to look forward to?

Luke 12:16-21

- This parable (story with a lesson) is like Jesus’ version of “Hoarders” from 2,000 years ago! What is it that you hang on to that you think will make you happy?

-Jesus said a fool is a person who _______________, 

  but does not have a _______________. (verse 21)

Luke 21:1-4

-Should giving depend on what’s leftover (your surplus)? How does giving like the woman did relate back to last week’s topic of worrying vs. trusting?

Lord, thank You for giving us godly financial advice. And I pray that my relationship with you will always be my greatest treasure.  Help me to loosen my grip on my stuff and reach out to You instead. Amen.

Jesus Said...

This post is for anyone who wants to join me over the next four weeks in some super simple study of what Jesus said. If I desire to imitate Christ, I’ve gotta know what He had to say, right? And He had lots to say! So I’m looking only at the documented words of Jesus himself (found in the Gospel Books of Matthew, Mark, Luke, & John). Some of what came out of Jesus’ mouth is clear as can be, other statements take some thinking through (or praying through, really).

So each week, we’ll take a specific topic and look a just a handful of passages. And while the quotes from Jesus were spoken over 2,000 years ago, you’ll find out each one is super applicable in our 21^st century, everyday life. Ask God how to apply it to your life, right now, today. We’ll be able to use the comments section to discuss all sorts of thoughts: how can you improve to better match Jesus’ attitude in this area, who do you know that exemplifies this attitude in their life, what holds you back from acting like this, what verse do you need to stick on your dashboard, etc.

I just planned on compiling this and studying it alone over the summer, but once I started organizing it all together, I thought someone else may enjoy/benefit from this too. So please join me, and my goal also… to know, review, and understand what Jesus said so I can strive to be like-minded.

(I’ll post each topic with verses on Sunday nights. We’ve got the whole week to read them all (in your own Bible or via links provided to the New Living Translation), write them down, pray about em, pick one to memorize, apply them, comment and discuss, yada yada. You can subscribe on here to get it e-mailed to you or I’ll also post to FB. No more about me, here’s what Jesus said…)

____________________________________________

WEEK ONE

Don’t Worry, Trust in Jesus

Matthew 11:28-30
Luke 12:22-31
John 14:27
Matthew 6:34
Matthew 10:28-31

Some questions to think about, answer, or discuss:

-What's the literal definition of yoke? Try a Google image search of yoke and apply it to what Jesus said.

-How does God take care of flowers and birds? According to Jesus, how does God feel about you?

-What gift did Jesus leave us with? Can we get this anywhere else? 

-How much of your day do you spend worrying about tomorrow/the future?

-Do you constantly fear people who might hurt you (terrorists, criminals, etc.)? Who's the only one you should fear? What's your value to him? Feel better now?  :)

Thank you Lord that because of You we don't have to worry. Not about what to wear, if we'll have enough to eat, the future, or even death. Thank you for the peace that comes from trusting in You and the comfort that comes from Your very words. Amen. 

World's Best Boss

Baileigh is my little watchguard. She may be more on top of what Doug and I are up to than we are of her. I'm nervous this may translate into the playground tattletale in school next year, but for now she keeps watch on Mom and Dad with daily comments like:

"Guys, is this commercial appropriate?"

"Dad's been a bad example to you and now you're a bad example to Dougie. Stop drinking out of the container, Mom!"

(after catching me tap my hubby with a spatula as he walked by) "Mom, that's not for using with Daddy, only with pancakes!"

The name Baileigh (or Bailey) actually stems from the word "bailiff" which means a person who keeps order. Yep, that's her.

But honestly, she's the closest thing I have to a boss during the day. She's the one evaluating my work, demanding quickness and completion. I can laugh it off, and actually, I've always enjoyed having someone assess my work, so becoming a stay-at-home mom was originally a struggle for me, mainly for the fact that there was no A+ or red pen on my work that day. I can handle a 4-year-old as my watchdog, but I need to remember my Master is someone much greater.  

I'm looking to tattoo my toilet tank and stain my dish-washing window with the verse: "Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people." (Colossians 3:23).

So even if I did have a boss in this phase of life, my work and my day-to-day duties should be done as if Jesus himself was my superior. When I scrub a toilet til it's squeaky clean and someone comes in minutes later with an explosive episode... Breathe, it's alright, I'm working for the Lord, not for people. When my husband jokes that he never sees the kitchen sink empty, yet it's actually vacant 75 percent of the day (I'm tempted to send him daily pictures!) It's cool. I'm working for the Lord, He knows.

There are some days when I'm so filled with this truth and wake up excited to work for my Boss. But honestly, there are many other days where I ask, why the heck I am doing this again? It's gonna go unnoticed, what's the point. But that's not true. I want the truth. I want to work at everything I do with all my heart, like I am employed by the Lord. I want to gladly serve my Lord.

Similarly in 1 Peter 1:14-16, I'm reminded how to live and work.

"So you must live as God’s obedient children. Don’t slip back into your old ways of living to satisfy your own desires. You didn’t know any better then.  But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. For the Scriptures say, “You must be holy because I am holy.”

What is it that you want to give up on when no one's watching? What selfish, old way of living could you slip right back into? Laziness? Drunkeness? Fill in the blank. Maybe you didn't know any better then, that's my excuse and it's biblically justisfied! But not anymore, now I am called to live as God's obedient child. Because God is my Master, I must strive to work like my Boss. Because He is holy, I must strive to be holy. Because I know better now, I must not slip back into my own selfish ways. 

Whether you have a boss or not, work for the Lord above all else. Not because you have to impress Him, but because you absolutely want to. Reverently. Joyfully. Willingly. With all your heart. 

Hide & Seek

Here we go again. It sounds so nonchalant, but when I grabbed the phone to tell my husband I was bleeding, it felt like a reoccurring, familiar nightmare. Not even 6 months ago, we lost a baby around 8 weeks. It was traumatizing, an exhausting experience for me; the process of healing was long and raw. Random tears and sometimes shakes. A longing for a baby.  I’d been given the gift to see her via ultrasound, a beating heart and a little figure looking at me. “Mama?” And then weeks later, late-night in the ER, contractions, delivery, the contents of my womb. My little one swept away into a take-out container, gone forever. I’ll never hold her on this Earth. 

But now - months later, after much healing and prayer and the news of another child – again? For the first few weeks of this pregnancy I felt like a mad woman every time I was in the bathroom, like a kid watching a scary movie through cracks between his fingers. That’s how I’d pee. But in week 11, almost out of my first-trimester, after a couple of check-ups and having just announced the pregnancy to the family and Facebook World days before, the fear was dissolved, not on the mind at all. But then, after going for a nice jog with some friends on one of the first mild days of Spring, I came home to blood. So much blood. I cried on the toilet, whispering at the top of my lungs, “Jesus, Lord…”

The ride to the doctor’s was in complete silence. My husband reached over for my hand and quiet tears fell when I looked at him. His heart was hardening, mine was breaking, again. In the room (the undress from the waist down room), blood spilled down my legs, staining my socks, and pooling on the cold tile. The more blood, the more tears. Spilling all over. “I’m so sorry,” the nurses were already murmuring to me. Then the ultrasound machine was wheeled in, an overly-familiar procedure for me. “Just to check, ok?” I closed my eyes as she squeezed the goo over my belly, a little pressure. “This baby’s moving!” she almost shouted in true surprise. “We got a heartbeat.” I gasped for air as if being submerged under water for the last hour and finally released. A gasp, to keep up with the swiftness of emotions. Lowest to highest in a matter of seconds. It’s enough to knock you out. Another loud whisper was all that followed. “Praise God, thank you…”

It seemed that all the bleeding was from the placenta and the only prescription: bed rest. “Let the height of your activity be reading and folding laundry,” she said. I nodded, still smiling, the baby was fine! Alive and well. It took a awhile before realizing what bed rest with two other babies at home would mean. It’d mean constant help. On Day 4, I heard my son screaming upstairs. My Help had laid him down for a nap and was coming back soon. I just sat on the futon weighing out my options, essentially choosing between children, or that’s what it felt like. What if he fell out of his crib? I could just peek my head in, but then I’d have to climb the stairs. So do I really just sit here? Choose the unborn child over the toddler right now?

The back and forth battled in my head. The worst part (or the best, I’m not sure) is that I felt fine. I wasn’t in pain, didn’t feel ill, the bleeding had stopped. But I had to be still. Just still. God, help me be still.

And when I was still, and accepting of help, and humbled, and trusting, it was peaceful. Can I say…enjoyable? For the first time in a while, I had stretches of alone time to fill. I spent hours in bed, gazing outside in complete awe of the blooming Magnolia tree framing my bedroom window. Beyond that were horses playing and bathing next door, and the constant excitement among the birds was all the praise music I needed. I had a lovely novel, endless ice water, and the envelopment of the warm breeze circulating throughout our old farmhouse. Everything was taken care of, all I had to do was be still. In those quiet moments, I felt so close to God. So cared for. I was stuck here, but He was right next to me. I was content and full of faith. Full of Him.

And now, I’m beyond thankful to be doing well with baby strong. But back to the day-to-day routine. The wake-up, the breakfast  with cartoons, the clean-up, the school lessons, the naptimes, the lunches, the clean-up, the meltdowns, the cooking, the eating, the bathing, the bedtimes. Aaah, then comes some quiet time, quiet time usually filled with something sweet, several sit-coms, and snoring for sure. And at the end of it all, I can’t help but ask where was God today?  I definitely wasn’t in awe of His presence when changing diaper #6. He seemed so much closer in the quiet breeze, that Magnolia!

But I know – He’s not the one hiding. He’s still right here, I’m just too distracted by life off of bed rest. Hiding in the constant going. I’m not being still because I don’t have to be. But in the still, I could hear Him and feel Him. So close. In the busy, I’m seeking, seeking, seeking, but too busy to be still, listen, feel. So I’m the hider and the seeker?  But that won’t ever work.

I need to be like faithful Moses who kept right on going because he kept his eyes on the one who is invisible. ( Hebrews 11:27) Not the girl who kept right on going, so much so, that she missed the One that day.  No, I want to keep my eyes on Him always, in the routine, in the noise, in the diapers. I’ll run with endurance the race God has set before me. And the only way to do this is by keeping my eyes on Jesus, my champion, who initiated my faith and is perfecting it daily. (Hebrews 12: 1-2)

Everyday, constantly still. Not hiding. Exposed. Available. And always, always with my eyes on Him.

“Be still, and know that I am God!”

~ Psalm 46:10 

This I Believe

I'll call this a celebrity post - the author might not exactly be a celebrity, but she is an amazing young girl. Elise was just 11 years old when a brain tumor required sudden surgery; during the operation she suffered a stroke. Now, at 16, she suffers from multiple physical setbacks, yet her faith in God has remained unwavering. She says her biggest challenge is simply fatigue because it prevents her from doing the things she loves. She speaks openly and boldly about God's love and is an inspiration to me. She wrote this essay for the international organization called This I Believe, which encourages people to write and share essays describing personal core values that guide daily life. This is what young Elise believes...

"I believe in God. That having faith in him can give you hope like no other in the world. I believe that the strength and sureness that God provides through his everlasting love are more powerful than the strongest man in the world’s muscles. God’s purity goes beyond belief and his wisdom mightier than the entire world put together. His truthfulness and forgiveness reigns throughout the universe, while his love for us pours out for us quicker and steadier than our hearts can even beat. I believe that God’s beautiful world that he has made for us to live and thrive in gives him a more creative insight than Monet, Picasso, and Da Vinci had put together.
I believe in “being still, and knowing that God is God” and I believe in “I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me” because I live and breathe these two verses every day as if they are my lifelines. Going through a major brain surgery to remove a tumor and having a stroke during that, I had to believe both of these things in order to keep going and pushing on. I believe in praising God every day for not only this, but for many other things too, such as my family’s safety and well-being, for blessing me with a house to live in, in a safe environment and community.
I know God is the one who gave me my strength to get through each and every day with my disability of only being able to use one of my arms very well and having extreme fatigue to the point where I am sometimes in tears. I believe God puts us through tough things that are most difficult in life to make us stronger.
I would have never chosen before this to undergo a traumatic brain injury or a pediatric stroke but now looking back at the past, I feel that I’m even stronger, courageous, and faithful than I ever could hope to be. I used to take my vision and the uses of the parts of my body for granted before, but now, I realize how lucky I am just to at least be able to use one of my arms and having some use of the other, and how lucky I am that even though I can’t see out of one eye and have a field cut in the other, how grateful I should be for these things that seem so simple.
When my tumor grew back, I had to undergo radiation and saw children and adults coming to get treated for cancer. I saw how most of them didn’t really seem that sad. I learned how this was because they knew that God was at their sides and wouldn’t leave them. I saw how these people were fighting a life threatening disease and were still so faithful in God."

What a perfect weekend to remember to be still and grateful, giving all the glory to God. Thanks Elise!

Fear Not

"Fear not."  It's probably the most common phrase in the Bible, usually coming from God himself or from one of His angels, and yet fear is probably the most common issue we face day-to-day.

Fear of not making enough money. Fear of the future or the unknown. Fear of pain. Fear of losing someone. Fear of pretty much everything.

Obviously, judging by the amount of times He tells us to "fear not", God doesn't want us living like this. We'll miss all He has for us when we live life cornered by fear. I think God also recognizes how much we tend to default to fear, or He wouldn't feel the need to repeat Himself, but He wants us to default to Him instead.

Around Christmas time, Baileigh memorized what the angels said to the shepherds when Jesus was born. And now at Easter, she learned what the angels said to the women at the tomb. She's gotten them a little mixed up at times because they both begin with the same "Don't be afraid." So she's come up with a blending of the two holidays,but it still works.. "Don't be afraid. I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people. Jesus, who was crucified, isn't here!"

Amen! The first words of each original holiday begin with "don't be afraid" (or "fear not"). I know it's obviously because an angel has just appeared out of nowhere to them and I'm sure they were shaking in their boots. But also, with both announcements, Jesus being born and risen, it's assuring them (and us) "you don't need to live in fear anymore- and this is why."

Research shows that the emotion of fear "triggers more than 1,400 known physical and chemical responses, and activates more than 30 different hormones and neurotransmitters" (Dr. Caroline Leaf). Fear is also the root emotion behind all stress, and stress can actually marinate our bodies in toxic chemicals. Clearly, fear is even dangerous to our health. So where does this powerful, unhealthy, negative emotion of fear come from? Well I know where it does not come from..

The Bible says, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." ~2 Timothy 1:7

This verse has been playing in my head for weeks now - when I feel the fear start creeping in, I am training myself to say, "Nope, God has not created me with a spirit of fear." And then replace the fear with thoughts of power, love, and calmness. All things that God's Word and His presence are overflowing with. But fear, that is never from Him. He desires that we don't live in fear, but in Him. And only in Him do we have the power to deny fear and replace it. Even if it's every second of everyday at first.

"Fear not." It's in God's Word many, many times. But even if He only said it once, it would still be enough for me.

Can't Do Attitude

I grew up in a home that taught confidence. Beginning with The Little Engine That Could ("I think I can, I think I can") to reciting Muhamed Ali quotes in the mirror ("I'm the greatest. I'm the best. Nobody can beat me!"). It was great as a kid thinking I could do just about anything I put my mind to. I believed I could, so I could. But as I grow older, as a mom, a wife, and a plain-old human being, I am learning the value in admitting "I can't". Now I'm not talking about having a negative attitude on life or abilities, but a surrendered attitude. Replacing "I think I can, I think I can" with "I know You can, I know You can".

Philippians 4:13, I like to say, is the motivational saying to end all motivational sayings. If you know, believe, and assure yourself over and over again of this, there's no need for Dr. Phil phrases or Oprah Ah-ha moments. It certifies that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Through Christ is the key. Not through trying really hard. Not through wishing. Not through thinking about it. But through Christ and the strength that only He can give me. I can do everything I need to do through Christ, because He strengthens me, helps me, equips me. He can, but only when we're willing to confess we can't. We can't overcome our addiction. We can't stop worrying. We can't forgive that person. Whatever it is you just can't do, it's OK and true to surrender and declare that (on your own) you CAN'T! But through Him, you CAN! Through Him, we can do all things, says the Word of God, but without Him, we can do nothing (John 15:5). So why do we have it so flipped upside down in our heads sometimes? Instead of reassuring yourself about yourself, reassure yourself of Him. He is ABLE, and through Him we are able to do all things, this and that, everything. Face any circumstance, all conditions, every situation. The Amplified Bible translation, which goes more in depth with some of the original Hebrew or Greek definitions, gives this beautiful version of the motivational saying to end all motivational sayings:

 ^"I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me. I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency."

He empowers me. He infuses inner strength into me. Christ is all and through Him I can do all. Without Him, I can't. It's OK, say it... I can't.

Taking Back Marriage

Last Valentine's Day, I realized that the holiday may be bound to disappoint. I didn't mean to put a damper on the day, but truthfully, we are just imperfect people. We try to love and be loved, but God loves us more than anyone ever could. And our understanding of love and our ability to love others needs to stem from THAT relationship above all else. With that being said, my husband booked us a couple's cooking class on Valentine's Day this year (after some serious hinting on my part)! So I'm looking forward to Heart Day more than usual. But I am so thankful for the gift God has given me in my husband. My second love, next to the Lord. Doug knows he's the #2 seed, and he's glad for it. He'd say the same about my standing as well. Because by understanding God and our love-relationship with Him first, we are able to better live out our marriage, attempting to mirror the Love God has shown to us. Marriage is the closest glimpse we'll receive on Earth, person-to-person, to the kind of relationship God has always desired between us and Himself. Marriage is just a taste of what's to come. And God knew what He was doing when He created it; it was a gift for us, His beloved children.

When I think about all of that, I get pumped up about marriage! It's something Doug and I have always taken very seriously, but also joyfully, purposefully, prayerfully. And we've been blessed with influences that have taught us even more how significant marriage is, and how our marriage, specifically, can be significant. We put time aside each week just to reflect, plan, and pray for our marriage. We've committed to putting at least one weekend aside each year to reconnect and refresh our marriage. Even still, our marriage isn't perfect because it's a combining of two imperfect people, but we can press towards the goal of reflecting God's love in our marriage, and we really try to. So in a world that feels like it's perfectly OK to take back marriage like you would take back an ugly sweater, I am taking back marriage to what it was originally intended to be: a blessing that is to be taken seriously. Ephesians 5 gives us a beautiful example of what marriage was created to look like, some may see it as old-fashioned or unbalanced, but that's only because they don't understand the love-respect relationship that we're aiming to emulate, that of Christ and ourselves! Pauls summarizes his whole explanation of marriage by saying "So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." (Ephesians 5:33)  When someones loves you like he loves himself, it pretty easy to respectfully love him back. And that's an awesome place to start!

I have to say, it's been pretty upsetting to me seeing people my age, reaching their mid-twenties, and their reactions to marriage. I've seen a lot of statuses saying things along the lines of  "If I see one more engagement update I'm going to throw up!" or "I don't care that you are getting married-shut up!" Or on the other hand, peers of mine who are already on their way to or finalizing a divorce publicly, and people "liking" and cheering them along, like they just achieved something? I don't understand and I won't accept this way of thinking. It's a misunderstanding, a big lie. Whether you're married or not, it's not OK, and you don't have to play along with it. Will you take back marriage with me? What it was intended to be, what it stands for, what it could be. Significant. Joyful. Committed. Celebrated.

Think on love this Valentine's Day: the One who loved you first, and maybe the one who loved you second. <3 "..a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one."
Genesis 2:24

New

For the month of January at our home pre-school, we focused on the theme of  "new".  New Year. New home. New friends. New Jersey. Lots of newness! Our bible verse was 2 Corinthians 5:17 which Baileigh can tell you says, "Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person, the old life is gone and the new life has begun." With this theme of new and this matching verse, I was able to share my testimony with my daughter for the first time. It was in the simplest form possible, but it still took a lot for me to share with her. I just said, "You know, Jesus made Mommy a new person. Daddy too. We didn't know Jesus when we were growing up. But now that we do, He has completely changed us. We're so glad our old life is gone." The only thing she didn't understand was how I could have not known about Jesus, I guess because her day-to-day is pretty filled with Him. But that just made me feel like I must be doing something right! She and I learned some of the sign language to go along with the verse like we usually do, but this time, it really connected with me. The sign used for "gone" looks like you're pulling something out of your brain, like literally removing it from your mind. I loved that. It wasn't like you were pushing it behind you or sweeping it under the rug. Instead it's removed. Extracted. Erased. Gone. For good.

Marriage Retreat 2013

I know it. But even still, there's times when I'll hear a whisper telling me it's not true. "You're still who you were, you'll never really change, that's just what you've always been." The lies like to creep in my head when I'm not paying attention, and lately they've been pretty loud. But good thing I memorized that Truth last month with my 4-year-old and the Truth overrides it all. I belong to Christ. He has made me new. My old life is gone. My new life is here. And He is continuing to make me new in all aspects of my life. The obvious ones are the things I can see: how I spend my time, what I choose to do and say. But even deep in my heart and mind, He has and still is making all of it new. The Bible says to not act like everyone else or like you used to, but instead to let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. (Romans 12:2) Another translation of that same verse says to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Let God renew your mind. He can make not only you and your life new on the outside, but every thought new. Completely new. Not how you once thought, not how you've thought for as long as you can remember. Not giving in to the lie that it's how I've always been and how I'll always be. But instead LETTING God transform you, starting with the way you think. Don't settle for how it was. Don't be content with how it's always been. Anyone who belongs to Christ is a new person. The old life, all of it, is gone. Get rid of it. Pull it out of your brain, like the sign illustrates so powerfully, and don't let it back in. Then hand your mind over to God and He will make it new. Fill it with Truth and don't leave room for the lies. If they sneak in, pull em out again and replace them with more Truth. I recently confessed to my husband that I've really been doubting myself and my abilities, and Doug said so simply, "Then you need more Jesus." Touche babe. Only He is able to make beautiful things where junk once stood, but you have to let Him, and be willing to let your old ways of thinking go, and replace it with new, new, new. When you do this (Romans 12:2 continues) then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.  

"Letting go of my past

And glad I have another chance

And my heart will dance

'Cause I don't have to read that page again

Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone"

-Kirk Franklin, "Imagine Me"

(I came across this song in college. 

It gave me my first glimpse of what "new" could look like; 

the end still gets me every time)

Complaint dept

Yesterday, I almost lost it. Baileigh has been in a terrible routine of whining and complaining. Her sock is on backwards, waaaaaa! She can't turn the water on, uhhhhhhh! She can't clean up the whooooole playroom by herself! I've been trying to let her take on some more responsibilities herself, but her attempt around it is melting into complete distress. I asked her to clean her own face before we left for the store several times yesterday and when we got there, I opened the van door to see her still messy face and said, "Fine. You won't do it yourself? I'll do it for you." And I licked my fingers and smudged them all over her face. (I wonder where she gets her dramatics from? Ooops. LOL) Of course, she burst into hysterical tears while I tried to give her a lesson outside the grocery store about listening the first time and doing it without whining and complaining. An old man walked out of the store right in the middle of my finger-to-the-face disciplining and starting laughing at the top of his lungs! Finally, he got close to us and said to me (still laughing) "What did you do to her? Ahahahaha!" Great. There goes that attempt, I thought while giving him an akward, half-smile, half-areyoukiddingme kind of face.
           

But later that day, before bedtime, I suggested Dad read the story of Moses leading the Israelites out of Egypt. "Really exaggerate the complaining," I whispered to him. So he did. She listened with attention and excitement. Initially, the Israelites sang a song of praise to God for all He had done for them. They were dancing, celebrating, and shouting thanks like, "Who is like you among the gods, O Lord—glorious in holiness, awesome in splendor, performing great wonders?" and "With your unfailing love you lead the people you have redeemed. In your might, you guide them to your sacred home." (Exodus 15: 11,13) But the thankful attitude didn't stick around for long. They quickly starting complaining. They were thirsty with no water, but when they finally came to an oasis in the dessert, they declared the water was too bitter to drink. After being of out Egypt for about a month, they really upped the whining. “If only the Lord had killed us back in Egypt,” they moaned. “There we sat around pots filled with meat and ate all the bread we wanted. But now you have brought us into this wilderness to starve us all to death.” (Exodus 16:3) Mind you, back in Egypt, they were slaves! Not to mention, God had just performed unimaginable miracles in order to free His people. But within weeks, they were throwing a pity party for themselves, with their thankfulness far behind them, nowhere to be found. They went from telling everyone that God is leading and guiding them with His unfailing love, to asking Moses with attitude and testing God saying, "Is the Lord with us here or not?" (Exodus 17:7)

After reading the story, Doug asked Baileigh what's been going on. She said softly, "Well, Mom's not helping me with anything."
He said to her, "Did you eat today?"
"Yea."
"Mom made all of it.  Did you wear clothes today?"
"Yea."
"Mom made sure they were clean for you.  Do you have a made bed to sleep in tonight?"
"Yea."
"Mom puts it back together for you."

She got the point. She was so stuck on what she wasn't getting, that she had lost all gratefulness for what Mom had done and is still doing for her. Same with the Israelites toward God. Same with all of us toward God. How many times do we grumble and complain against Him? I know how it feels as a mom; how do you think it makes our Heavenly Father feel? Is your complaint department overflowing with quick remarks "Are you even here God?" "I was better off before!" "Why don't You care about me?" "You're not helping me!" We can test Him and argue with Him and complain against Him like the Israelites did thousands of years ago. We can whine and offend His works and unfailing love, like a 4-year-old against her mom. How quickly we can forget all He's done for us! Or we can choose to focus on gratefulness. And if you're really stuck, we can all start with the lesson "Did you breathe today? God gave that to you."

"Do everything without complaining and arguing..."

~Philippians 2:14