Nothing like waiting for a baby to make you want to write stuff down...if not, you just might go insane. With the pregnancy finish line so close (and somehow oh so far), your heart and head end up all over the place. But I have had a little practice sorting it out in the past, and I may have even picked up on a couple things along the way. Through all 5 of my pregnancies I've learned lessons in sacrifice, surrender, humility, patience, sorrow, gratitude... it's almost impossible for a pregnant woman not to. But mostly I've learned to practice Trust... and you'd think I'd have it down by now, yet it's a daily choice, by the moment really, to take your grip off of that reed basket you know you're trying to steer and just let go, again and again.
My oldest's birthday is tomorrow; I don't know how, but she's going to be 7! About 9 months ago, when we told her this new baby's due date, the possibility of interference with her own birthday, or worse, her big party, was of top concern. She's prayed about it, shared it with our church, wrote homework assignments about it, whispered it to my belly button for months...
"Hi, I love you, but please don't come on my birthday." One night this week it was at the top of her prayer requests once again and after a day being filled with contractions coming and going, I knew I had to say something. I tried to explain to my precious daughter (ironically, redemptively, humorously?) the concept of our own desires versus God's will - trusting His plan, not ours.
Now this is the same discussion that our adult group just had the other week, and even we struggled/struggle to really get it. But I always bring it back to my Jesus, and even He, yes the Perfect One, experienced this.
He knew His hours were running out and the very same people that had just welcomed Him into the city with shouts of praise would scream out "crucify him" come tomorrow. And Jesus prayed. Through literal blood, sweat, and tears, He prayed for His own desires.
I paraphrased to my little-big-girl that before Jesus went to die on the cross for us he told God,
"I don't want to do this whole thing anymore, please don't make me do this..."
But He didn't stop there, He followed it by saying,
"But more than what I want, I really want whatever You want, God."
She ask me to repeat it, she closed her eyes to hear it harder.
Jesus confessed to God his honest desire, His (dare I say self-seeking?) needs. But... over-arching it all, Jesus prayed this: I Trust You God and Your Good Plan, for me and for everything.
"Your Will be done, not mine." ~Luke 22:42
With each season, with each baby, with each moment, have Your way. I Trust You, again and again.
(With all that being said, the doctor told us today to plan for a birthday party tomorrow and a baby by next week. The almost-7-year-old jumped for joy :)
