Seeking a Sponsor

This is about marriage. No, maybe more about divorce.

I hate divorce. Hate it and everything it stands for, no, against. Now hear me, because I'm not saying I hate people who are divorced or will be divorced.  As a mentor of mine always said, "Grace to you."...the same Grace that is to me. But divorce in itself, I hate.

Divorce is not patient, divorce is not kind. Divorce involves envy, it's boastful and proud. It dishonors many and is self-seeking. It's filled with anger, keeping a thorough record of wrongs.  Divorce delights in evil and disregards the truth. It never protects, never trusts, never hopes, and most certainly does not persevere. 

If that sounds familiar, it's because it's the opposite of what you hear at almost every wedding. The antonym of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. What love is not, divorce is. 

Pretty disturbingly to me, I've had multiple people, in just the last couple months, well-meaningfully say, "If Doug (my husband) were ever to start drinking again, I'd support you leaving him."

How disappointing. Support my leaving him? What about support my loving him? Who will help me love him if Lord forbid my beloved ever did fall back into addiction, darkness, despair? Who will pray with me for him, encourage him with me, and serve him with love in his ultimate "for worse"? Who will support me in that?

Because if you support my leaving him when he stumbles, then the enemy not only has a hold on him, but our marriage also. You'd be supporting the enemy, not me, not him, definitely not our marriage. And what if I were the one doing the stumbling? What then?

I need someone to hold our marriage accountable, no matter what comes our way. To remind us of 1 Corinthians 13 love. To shove our own vows in our face, our vows of forgiveness and prayerfulness. Someone who doesn't accept the lie of put the "me" before the "us". (Because that's not what I signed up for, that's not what I agreed to.) I made a deal, a promise, a covenant, and I need some back-up, a witness in that, to call me out, without fear of offense. I need a sponsor. That's who I need and that's what our marriage needs. And I'm hopeful you're already out there.

Don't just sit through weddings, post some pictures, and wish em well.
Sponsor a marriage.

Living with a Sober Guy

With my husband's permission, I just want to celebrate an awesome milestone. He is 4 years sober today. While it may take away from the anonymity of it all, I just want to tell everyone!

I haven't always been this excited about it. I'll admit some of my first thoughts when we first started dating included "We'll never relax with a beer in the summer?" "We'll never share a glass of wine on a fancy date?" "We can't even drink champagne at our wedding!" But after 4 years of him living the sober life, I am beyond grateful. I know he would not be able to be the amazing husband and father that he is today with alcohol in his way, and I wouldn't trade what we have now for anything, even a beer. I also know he would not be celebrating this milestone if it weren't for his dependence on God, and without his addiction he wouldn't know that relationship as deep as he does. We are so grateful for God bringing us together as a couple at the same time we were brought to our breaking points; it forced the cornerstone of our relationship to be built on Christ. And because of that, we can both celebrate our past struggles because He brought us out on the other side... together!

The Bible says we all have our struggles and temptations in life, but God faithfully promises us this...

"He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure." ~ 1 Corinthians 10:13


Your situation may certainly be more than you can handle, but isn't that why we need Him? He doesn't promise you'll be able to handle anything on your own, but He promises He'll help you. He is the way out. With Him, you can overcome. We know that now and want to tell the world about it.


Congrats, babe! I praise God for these last 4 years and know that by His grace they will multiply and multiply. I love you. 

The Battle

People who know me well know I like the "legends"... Michael Jackson, Madonna, Cher, Whitney. My friends made fun of me growing up and my husband always says, "I didn't think anyone really listened to this stuff." LOL But I'll admit it, Jackson 5 is probably my favorite band, I thoroughly enjoyed the Superbowl halftime show this year, I do a killer Cher impression, and I've sung "I Will Always Love You" around the house more times to count. So when another legendary entertainer dies to (most likely) drug overdose, of course I was seriously saddened.

But unlike my other divas and kings, Whitney's heart was strong for the Lord. She always talked openly about her faith in God, and has some beautiful, only like Whitney could sing em, Gospel songs ("I Look to You" & "I Go to The Rock" are my favs). A couple years back she talked on Oprah about her struggles with drugs.. 

Oprah: Would you just sit in your room and do drugs?

Whitney: Yeah. Talk on the phone. Watch TV. Listen to gospel. I would still read my Bible, amazingly enough. I would still read my Bible. I still had it in me. I knew God was there. I knew the light was there and I was just trying to get back to it. I just kept trying to get back to that spirituality.

Today I heard a message that said something along the lines of... "Repentance is not so much "saying sorry", but instead surrendering." All of us need the reminder that repentance isn't a one-and-done kind of thing, but is more of a daily handing-over of one's self. Just take a look at Steps 1-7 in AA and apply it to any sin or struggle; that's repentance.

It's been rumored that the last performance Whitney gave was a casual rendition of "Jesus Loves Me." The video above is a live version of the song from 1994, perhaps around the peak of her cocaine usage. Yet she still knew Jesus Loved Her, even in her mess. Sadly, Whitney may not have "won" her battle, but oh how we need to remember that the battle is not ours, it's the Lord's. So give it over to Him, again, and again, and again, and watch Him make a blessing out of your repentance. 

Hosea 14:1-2

Repentance to Bring Blessing

Return, Israel, to the LORD your God. 

   Your sins have been your downfall! 

Take words with you 

   and return to the LORD. 

Say to him: 

   “Forgive all our sins 

and receive us graciously, 

   that we may offer the fruit of our lips..

Breaking Free

I've started an accidental ritual every Tuesday afternoon. While the little ones nap, I fold the laundry in front of the TV, completely captivated by "Hoarders" and "Intervention" on A&E. Then I end up sobbing over my folded piles almost every time. Sometimes I even end up on my knees praying for these people by name. As much as reality TV may have muddled television forever, shows like these have reminded me of a hard reality - these are actual people out there right now struggling with very real problems. And I think that's why I can't stop watching, the battle is something we all can relate to.

Whether it's clutter, addiction, guilt, pornography, money, depression, food, insecurities, or whatever else - we all have things that attempt to control us. They demand our ongoing attention, drain us of our true joy, and leave us feeling overwhelmed and overpowered. Defeated. Hopeless. Stuck.


We all can be pinned down by these strongholds in our lives, some with stronger grips than others. And when you come down to it, the struggle lives in our minds. But what a dangerous place to dwell! The mind can distort and justify all sorts of things, but only we can take back our thoughts and fix them on what it true. And what reassurance we have in knowing that God is so much bigger than all of these things! Even the strongest of addictions or the most overwhelming feelings of despair can not compare to the power of God. I'd love to create a metaphor along the lines of a lamp is hopeless if it doesn't plug into and depend on an ultimate power source, but I don't know squat about electricity. So I'll just let the Word speak for itself:

"We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God." (2 Corinthians 10:3-5)

...and some of these obstacles can by handled and destroyed instantly, yet others may be a battle each time you wake up for all the days of your life. Also, not one of us is guaranteed to never "relapse."  But God has given us all we need to overcome simply by taking back our thoughts and turning them over to Him. Peeling off the gripping lies one by one and setting our minds on Him, His Power, and His Truth.

 "Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires." (Romans 8:5)

Your "flesh" may strongly desire power, or alcohol, or possessions, or love in all the wrong places - but only God can set you free from those things and give you abundant life. I've seen it and lived it, and yet am still amazed over the reality of God's transforming power. Let God give you what He desires for you - your freedom.

Whom the Son sets free, is truly free indeed. 

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I don't even know where my life would be,
If you hadn't shown, shown your love towards me
Broke the chains, the chains that were binding me
Gave me liberty, Set me free