Home Sweet Home

In this season, for the first time in my life, my only job, my full-time endeavor, is being a household manager (aka: stay-at-home momma). Ironically, our family is living with Mima and Pipa at the moment, without a place to call our own. Just days before closing on a house this summer, our mortgage fell through with no chance of reapplying for at least 6 months. Our old place was packed and ready to go before it all fell through, but we put it all in a POD and now everything we own is sitting in the driveway at my in-laws. We are so grateful for being able to stay here while we sort everything out. However, I can't help but to be reminded everyday that the time I decided to be "home" completely full-time, we're without an actual home.

We've all heard the saying or have a grandma-embroidered hankie declaring "Home is where the heart is", but this phrase has rung more true to me in the last few months than ever before. Between being forbade the opportunity to own a home right now, to swallowing our pride and moving back in with our parents, to losing a great friend, to watching houses foreclose all around us, to losing a baby we'll never meet here on Earth - my idea of "home" and what that actually means has slowly been reconfigured. Our hope, our happiness, our peace, can't be found in walls or property or anything else in this world. There's so much more.

Because of this transitional period, at the last minute and with some dragging of feet, we decided it'd be best if I home-schooled Baileigh this year (more like home-preschooled). While it's only ABC's and 123's at this point in her academic career, this was never something I desired to do, or really even gave much thought. But she and I both would tell you it has been great. At our small, Christian academy in the dining room, she does all the fundamentals, but also memorizes a Bible verse and a praise song every month. Our first month here, she was confused, waiting to move to this new house she thought we had bought. So we focused on the theme of "home" in September and what the Bible says about it. Just the other day, while I was considering the rent vs. own arguments, I said to Baileigh with all seriousness, "what was that bible verse you learned a couple months ago about the house of the Lord?" " It's Psalm 23, verse 6, Mom!" she shouted from the other room. I opened up my Bible and laughed out loud when I saw she had it exactly right. And then I read it...

"Surely your goodness and love will follow me

    all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord

    forever."

I wish I could give you my big AHA moment on it, but to be honest, I'm still working on it. I hinted to it with my last post, trying to wrap my head around losing our unborn baby, and I try to teach my four-year-old the big-picture, but my troubled adult mind reminds me of all sorts of doubts and worries. How quickly I forget. But here is a prayer I wrote months ago during our transition attempting to overrule my concerns through the Word of God-


"No matter where I go, You and Your goodness, love, and blessing come with me, now and for the rest of my life. And from now until eternity, YOU ARE MY HOME and my hope. YOU are what fills my cup, and it overflows because of your love...Lord, you've taught me through this obstacle that it doesn't matter where we physically call home. What town, what state, rent vs. own, or even living with our parents. It's been humbling and eye-opening, but at the end of the day, our hope, and rest, and confidence are in You and not where we live..." 

This was a moment of clarity for me that came only after going over Psalm 23 over and over again at home-preschool. And honestly, it flees from me so easily. So I'm writing it again, reading it again, praying it again, and even sharing it now, until I can declare it daily, sincerely, whole-heartedly. My dwelling place is in the Lord, and that's good enough for me!