Hurt and Healing

Our Pastor once asked a bold question that stuck with me firmly, "How much do you have to HATE someone to not share the Truth with them?" Immediately, I realized I did "hate" someone that much. Even though I had worked long and hard for years on forgiving the person, I still admitted to my husband that if I happened to see that person tomorrow in heaven I would be straight pissed.

When someone hurts us, we make the choice to ignore/bury the pain, to let our emotions run rampant, or to face the pain and forgive the offender. When someone hurts us, we are then on a continual path; you are the one who decides if that path is called bitterness or forgiveness. I attempted the path toward forgiveness from the beginning, but I didn't realize until the "how much do you have to hate someone" question was posed that I had always been subconsciously relieved that the individual did not know the Lord. I, on the other hand, had the Lord on my side. I was protected, I was loved, I was brought through.  And during this I did choose to forgive, I did pray for this person, and I did ask the Lord to bless the person (and I continue to). YET one morning right before Holy Week I came to the clear realization that I had never (not once) prayed for this person's SALVATION. And frankly I didn't want to. But God said to me, "Jesus died for him, too." Though uncomfortable at first, I was able to face that truth and have been focusing on it since. And I know I still have a ways to go.


Even though you forgive someone and realize God forgives them too, it doesn't erase the hurt. The damage has been done and you can't take your broken soul back to the store and return it for a new one. But God can renew and store it with you. He can bind your wounds over time. He forgives you and encourage you to pass that same incomprehensible mercy onto others.

This week my prayer is that I will always be able to release those who have hurt me over to Him. And that the wounds of my past would be completely healed so that I can thoroughly rejoice in today.

Staying Grounded When Moving

Last week our little family moved from an older townhouse apartment to a renovated little rancher just 15 minutes down the road. We were looking for a place with a bit more room for our little guy who should be here in about 2 months. It's the third time we've moved together as a family in less than 3 years and moving always comes with some anxiety and stress. We thought since we still have the lease to our old place and since the new place is so close, we wouldn't have to hurry or worry too much. But the back and forth and half in - half out and little expenses all over brought about its own kind of stress.

My husband and I were pretty calm during the actual move day (thanks to lots of help), but a few days in we almost killed each other. Not with any physical whacking, but with words and attitudes that we had not seen in each other for a long, long time. We might have even thought we conquered those ways and we're strong enough not to go back there again. But our pride likes to play with us like that. It amazed me how easy it was for both of us to go back to a wordly, emotion-driven, and downright evil relationship pattern - even if it did just last a few hours. We were wrapped up in our stresses and our fears, and out of the Word and the Spirit. It's a place we have both been before and just looking back there made us realize just how much we hate it.

Thankfully, we have seen the abundant life filled with wisdom and strength and glory and love first hand and we also know the only way to stay in it is to remain in the Lord, Jesus Christ. My hubby shared this Word with me (that happened to be emailed to him the morning after our freakout) and it is now magnetized onto our brand-new fridge so that we can be reminded constantly of how God calls us to treat each other, regardless of stressful circumstances.

"Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love." -Ephesians 4:2

Who Am I?

Perhaps one of the biggest questions of all time asked by human beings is "Who am I?"  Insecurities fill our mind such as why am I here and do I really have a purpose? We can fill the question with all sorts of silly answers that sound good to us or we can stress over not having an answer to them at all OR we can choose to know that the question has already been answered for us... not by some self-help book or even by the beloved Oprah, but instead by the Creator of the Universe. God says plenty in His Word about who you are, specifically who you are because of His Son Jesus Christ. And since God created you,  I think He definitely has the authority to answer the question. Here is a handy, compiled list of who God says you are and what you have in Jesus, just in case you wake up some mornings questioning it all.

IN CHRIST I AM...

• complete
• free
• holy
• chosen
• without blame
• forgiven of ALL my sins
• delivered
• redeemed
• born again
• healed
• greatly loved
• strengthened
• more than a conqueror 
• an overcomer
• an ambassador
• not my own
• God's workmanship
• a joint-heir with Christ
• a temple of the Holy Spirit
• a doer of the Word of God
• the voice of His praise

I HAVE...

• the mind of Christ
• the peace of God
• God living in me
• received the power of the Holy Spirit
• put off the old me and put on the new me
• no lack
• a shield of faith
• a spirit of power and love
• a sound mind

All of these assuring answers about who God says you are are clearly stated in His Word.. pick a few to remind yourself of everyday. Maybe even put a note on your mirror with the ones that resonate with you or you need to remember the most. If you want to know where in the Bible to find any of these, ask me and I'll gladly get the actual verse for you. Someone once told me that what we say is least important, what we do is of great importance, but who we are is of the utmost importance. Remember who you are.

Mid-Pregnancy Crisis

According to some of my pregnancy books, I'm officially into my third trimester today. That means I've got about 6 months down, but still over 3 months to go! And lately, especially in the last couple of weeks, I've been getting comments about my growing belly from strangers that make me want to flat punch them out. LOL Some examples? 

Cashier at the grocery store says, "When are you due, looks like any day now." Um.. try August!

Hairdresser at salon says, "Aw.. are you getting your haircut for the delivery?" Nope. 

You know...I've actually been pretty proud of myself too for keeping my weight gain steady and under control (unlike last time!) and exercising almost daily. But I'll admit my belly is pretty popped out there. 

I have a friend who is due about 3 weeks from now and people keep asking if we are due around the same time!  UGH. Her belly is clearly smaller than mine. You have to look closely to even tell she's expecting and she could go into labor any day now! But my husband lovingly calms my comparing worries by telling me, "She's over 6 foot tall, I bet the baby is standing up in there." And when I came home with my "pre-delivery haircut" the other night in complete distress over all this, he took out the camera and actually had me pose just to prove to me I still look beautiful! (Did I mention I love him??) 

While I can try to shake off most comments, the physical toll of this protruding belly isn't letting me ignore some of the truth behind them. I decided for Mother's Day this year I wanted to hike to the top of Mount Nittany with my family. It's an easy trail that takes under 2 hours and has beautiful views of Happy Valley. But yesterday I couldn't even make it up the hill to our driveway. I was huffing and puffing and about to fall over. There goes my beautiful Mother's Day dream! Lol 

Maybe now that I'm in my last trimester I will be able to handle the comments and waddling and fainting symptoms a little easier.. and no matter what I just need to remember that there is a handsome, healthy baby in there right now and there is nothing to stress over about that!