Victory

When my hubby & I went to our annual Eagles game this year, the stadium actually ran out of fireworks. We landed a 51-23 victory against the Broncos... the echoing fight song was close to constant, but the fireworks were forced to end - who could predict a score like that?

Late in the game, miles ahead of Denver, Pederson gave Wentz a much-deserved rest and put in Foles. We sat down, second-string style. But then some folks in the crowd started chanting "Nick Foles, Super Bowls!" I couldn't help but laugh, first at the unceasing hope of Philadelphia fans - our resounding surety of an upcoming Super Bowl - and then this ridiculous fantasy that a back-up quarterback could even possibly bring us there. Of course Foles proved my laughing laughable that game - it all was a bit surreal to see.

And now here we are... Nick Foles, Super Bowls, indeed. 

All week long, Philly fans were able to face their days, with every difficulty, challenge, and annoyance that may have came their way, with the sure and steady statement of :
"It's OK...the Eagles are going to the Super Bowl!" 

It could put a hope-filled spin on just about anything... because how often do you get to say it and really, truly know it?  

As a Philly follower, this kind of victory isn't something we get to confidently or constantly declare. But this week, we did. 

What joy this week for Philadelphia. But what joy this life for me. 

1 Corinthians 15:57... "But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."

As a Jesus follower, we have victory always and victory over all. 

What us fans get to feel right now temporarily, is given to us times a million in Christ eternally.

We have a hope, but also a sure victory, giving us an overwhelming and unending joy! 

So sure, whatever comes our way this week - it's alright, them birds are going to the Super Bowl!

But whatever comes our way this life, it's more than alright! God's already given us the victory. 

He is worthy of my praise, trust, & gratitude and I'm a confident fan for always. 

My Hubby's Not a Hero

I haven't had a chance to write on here in years, and we'll see if I get interrupted before I'm even done this sentence... nope, we're good. I haven't stopped writing altogether though, instead I've had the opportunity to teach some, with marriage retreats, seminars, and even preaching in front of our little church a bit. But this couldn't wait. This needed to get down. If only for me, this needed to be spewed out of my fingers tips to release it from my brain, my heart...


I had been ready to post another gushy gooey shout-out to my hubby last week. I was sick. Sick for days. High temp, low temp, sweats, chills. Better? Nope. Migraines, vomit, more vomit. It's that time of year after all, when the kids go back to school to collect armfuls of germs and bring them home to mommy. I'm much better now, but you have to understand the sick day policy at my job is less than ideal. There is none. Dishes need to be done, lunch bags packed, butts wiped, laundry folded, dinner on the table... but at 6 pm, after putting in his full day too, my hubby walks in the door, says my shift is over, and sends me straight to bed.

I don't know what happened next and I don't need to. All I know is I woke up the next morning having nearly 12 hours of sleep and this repeated for a few days in a row. I wouldn't have been able to recover without it. He was a hero and everyone needed to know! But then I thought, you know, what makes him this constant hero to me is not actually heroic at all. Because really, it's just a very simple keeping of his word.

He vowed to take care of me in times like this. He promised. Marriage is far from 50/50, we've heard, it's more like 90/10. He promised to put up a 90 when I could only muster a 10. And he did.
Last week, he just kept his promise.

But why is it still huge then, why does it stand out? Because maybe the world just isn't great at keeping a promise these days.

We've all been to plenty of weddings recently where the bride and groom have "prepared their own vows". This usually means the groom fumbles through his pockets, pulls out a little paper, and reads something along the lines of "I remember where we first met, I saw you and you were beautiful." The bride turns to her MOH and grabs her note, "I've dreamed of this day since I was a little girl..."

Pretty... but the word vow /vou/ noun means 1. a solemn promise.

Maybe promises being kept stand out because we hardly even attempt to make them in the first place. Instead we take a picture, tell a story, and everyone smiles. But solemn promises are to be exchanged, a holy contract is to be made.

This week, my husband merely executed his end of the contract. And as much as I want to dance and shout about him, why can't this be the expectation?

It's hard to watch marriages around you fall and crumble; it leaves an unintended mess for many. But when someone comes seeking marriage advice and starts speaking ideas of leaving or it'd be better this way or possibly even there might be someone else instead, my soft-speaking hubby boldly takes a stand and gives these words I might never, ever let leave my head.

He asks, "What makes you think that is even an option?"

Our word, our promise, is still powerful, valuable, and upholdable. In marriage and more. A vow is solemn, dignified, respected. Don't deface your very own word and don't shy away from it. Proudly live under contract.

My hubby's not a hero; he's just good at keeping a promise.

Trust + Birthdays

Nothing like waiting for a baby to make you want to write stuff down...if not, you just might go insane. With the pregnancy finish line so close (and somehow oh so far), your heart and head end up all over the place. But I have had a little practice sorting it out in the past, and I may have even picked up on a couple things along the way.


Through all 5 of my pregnancies I've learned lessons in sacrifice, surrender, humility, patience, sorrow, gratitude... it's almost impossible for a pregnant woman not to. But mostly I've learned to practice Trust... and you'd think I'd have it down by now, yet it's a daily choice, by the moment really, to take your grip off of that reed basket you know you're trying to steer and just let go, again and again.

My oldest's birthday is tomorrow; I don't know how, but she's going to be 7! About 9 months ago, when we told her this new baby's due date, the possibility of interference with her own birthday, or worse, her big party, was of top concern. She's prayed about it, shared it with our church, wrote homework assignments about it, whispered it to my belly button for months... 

"Hi, I love you, but please don't come on my birthday."

One night this week it was at the top of her prayer requests once again and after a day being filled with contractions coming and going, I knew I had to say something. I tried to explain to my precious daughter (ironically, redemptively, humorously?) the concept of our own desires versus God's will - trusting His plan, not ours.

Now this is the same discussion that our adult group just had the other week, and even we struggled/struggle to really get it. But I always bring it back to my Jesus, and even He, yes the Perfect One, experienced this.

He knew His hours were running out and the very same people that had just welcomed Him into the city with shouts of praise would scream out "crucify him" come tomorrow. And Jesus prayed. Through literal blood, sweat, and tears, He prayed for His own desires.

I paraphrased to my little-big-girl that before Jesus went to die on the cross for us he told God,

"I don't want to do this whole thing anymore, please don't make me do this..."

But He didn't stop there, He followed it by saying,

"But more than what I want, I really want whatever You want, God."


She ask me to repeat it, she closed her eyes to hear it harder.

Jesus confessed to God his honest desire, His (dare I say self-seeking?) needs. But... over-arching it all, Jesus prayed this: I Trust You God and Your Good Plan, for me and for everything. 

"Your Will be done, not mine." ~Luke 22:42


With each season, with each baby, with each moment, have Your way. I Trust You, again and again.

 

(With all that being said, the doctor told us today to plan for a birthday party tomorrow and a baby by next week. The almost-7-year-old jumped for joy  :)

A Time To...

Last week, I found myself smack in the middle of two very extreme realities that we mere humans have a hard time even beginning to wrap our head around.

Life and Death.
Creation and End.
Hope and Despair.
Joy and Mourning.

Experiencing all of these in less than an hour was brutally overwhelming, yet refreshingly raw.
Just real.

My uncle battled a tough fight with multiple myleoma. We all watched as he so slowly, then suddenly much more rapidly, died before our eyes over the last couple of years.

As my husband and I had an unavoidable spectator's seat in this, we were nudged to discuss big realities in our own lives, in our family dynamic, in humanity itself; we were able to mourn while living.

But even with the somewhat blessing of being prepared for this personal tragedy, we still weren't.

With a coffin in front of us, it still hit hard as I watched my aunt crying over her best friend, my teenage cousin casually conversating with his dad. Saying final goodbyes.

We weep when we see a loved one lifeless, like Jesus Himself did when he saw his friend Lazarus. They're right here with us, but not here.

We weep also when we see a baby on a screen full of life. They're not yet here with us, but so very here.


We had to schedule an ultrasound a month in advance. You know, the big one. Full bladder. Gender revealed. Hours on a table. Goo on top of goo. After going back and forth, we decided to keep the appointment. Straight from the cemetary, my husband and I drove directly to the doctor's office, with just minutes to spare.

Him in a dark suit, me a black maternity dress, pearls, mascara smeared. We entered the dark room and made small talk with the smiley technician. I lift up my layers of black and got ready for the familar. But this, though familar, never gets old.

The vivid pumping of the heartbeat, the little toes, the exaggerated squirms, the perfect lips, the nose.

"There's the baby's legs right there and it looks like..."
"A girl," I answered myself, an all-knowing veteran at this point.
My husband in shock and awe, still and again. Me with tears streaming quietly down my cheeks.

The same tears from just an hour earlier, but not. More like tears to wash away tears.

Life in the midst of death. A new creation in the midst of an end. So much hope in the midst of despair. True joy in the midst of mourning.

Really, what Christ offers us all.


At the funeral mass, my brother went to the altar and read these ancient, holy words:

"There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,     

 a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,    

 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,  

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 

 a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,    

 a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,      

a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace."

-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

When those times above are juxtaposed so closely in life that they overlap seasons, moments really, our humanity itself can overwhelm us. 

But to have a God who is sovereign over it all is all. Everything in everything.

~~~

To donate in memory of my uncle and in honor of my cousin's future, please click below:

Joe Jr. Fund

More (grace) Than I Can Handle

Our kitchen is under construction, we're picking out splinters from a plywood floor for now and our groceries are thrown into a rubbermaid.
My son only wants to wear underwear and eats twice as often as the average 3 year old.
My 6 year old has been on a jeans strike for over 2 years now, also uncomfortable socks, tights, or sweaters make her squirm and scream in protest.
My one year old is walking now, splashing in the toilet and finding nails to play with in our construction zone are some of her favorite activities.
This latest pregnancy has me on limited activity...no vacuuming, no carrying baskets full of laundry, no exercise. "Don't be lifting up your kids," warns the doctor as I try not to laugh.
I hoard stuff in our minivan... when I don't, I have nothing that I need. So it's not unusual to sit on cushions of jackets and coupons.

Getting a visual yet?

More than I can handle. Way more...


So, when I tried to get in touch with someone to confirm an order yesterday for the fourth consecuitive day and she finally answered the phone seemingly annoyed to talk to me, I wasn't thrilled.
Then I heard her yell, "Stop pushing the buttons on the dryer, the clothes are trying to dry!!!"

And I smiled.

"Sorry, I have three kids," she said, "and I try to do this work from home. And it's kind of hard sometimes."

"Then we're in the same boat!" I said. "I have three also, a fourth on the way, and attempt to work a little from home. It's difficult, really difficult."

Her audible sigh of relief to have someone on the same page as her was just as comforting to me.

"This IS difficult. It really is!" she confessed back.

We stopped the business talk for a moment and went over the ages, genders of our kids. There was only a difference of months with each. She confided in me that her youngest was completely unexpected and was born with abnormalities, mostly cosmetic, but also indirectly affecting typical day-to-day stuff.

I listened and empathized as this stranger poured it all out to me, tears behind her phone.

Then she stopped herself and surprised me by declaring, "But the Lord gave us this baby. And really, he's healthy otherwise. I just keep reminding myself over and over that the Lord wouldn't give me more than I can handle."

I gently responded, "Can I tell you something... I hear you, but I think we really like to misuse that verse. With Him, we won't be tempted more than we can handle. But if we were only given circumstances that we could handle, we really wouldn't need Him right?"

"Yes. Yes! And I'm leaning into Him now more than ever."


We talked some more about our kids and eventually got to the business end of things, running numbers and specifics. She said, "Can I ask you something... how are you even doing this right now?"

I said, "Well, I buckled all of my kids into the minivan and pulled into a parking lot to have this conversation with you."

We both laughed and she actually thanked me, saying she'll have this conversation to think on when the moments get tough.

---

I know I've been given more than I can handle...but I'm so glad I have Him, who will never leave or forsake me in my mess, and who has surely poured on me more Grace than I can bear!


"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”  -Deuteronomy 31:6

Keep Christ

 

 
"Keep Christ in Christmas" some like to picket. But what about

keeping Him in your today, tonight, tomorrow?

Keep Christ always.

Slice of Peace

I always seem to want to write around Thanksgiving. While some may think of it as a secular, all-inclusive type holiday, for me it's one of the most "religious". It's an entire day devoted to gratitude! No gifts, just grateful. Feasting on abundance, full, thankful. Family shhhing for grace. Bowing our heads. An over-cooked turkey, paired with raw thanks.

Paul says in Philippians,

"Don't worry about anything, 
instead pray about everything. 

Tell God what you need 
and thank Him for all he has done. 

Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."


Unending Thanksgiving begins by not worrying, but instead choosing to pray.

And prayer is two-part: 1) Tell God what you need (ask for help!)
                                  2) Thank Him for all He's already done (praise 'em!)

Only in doing the above will we know peace, God's Peace, which is so great it's beyond understanding. And that very Peace will protect our troubled hearts and worry-prone minds. Guarded for Good.


My practical way of following through with Paul's priceless advice has always been taking an old notebook and T-ing up all the pages. Then pouring it out as often as I can.

Tell God what you need / Thank Him for all He has done

Prayer is incomplete without thanksgiving and Thanksgiving is incomplete without prayer. Simple.

-Take life, omit worry. 

-Substitute with prayer. 

-Mix together some asking with thanking.

-Bake at 450* and enjoy.

Slice of Peace anyone?

Philippians 4:6-7

My Marriage > _________?

In our first year of marriage, Doug and I were invited to attend a marriage retreat. Actually, we were gifted the retreat, so it's more like we were forced. Doug was beyond reluctant to go... nightmares of bunking with other couples and talking it out Dr. Phil style for all to hear had him seriously concerned. But it wasn't any of that. It was simply solid time together, to reflect, reconnect, and relax. And Doug will tell you, it was the best thing he'd ever been forced into.


At the retreat that year, we committed to putting at least one weekend aside annually to get away from the chaos, the kids, work, whatever, and solely focus on God and each other, our marriage triangle. It's been nearly 5 years now of upholding our commitment, attending the same marriage retreat regardless of moving or more and more kids. But after inviting our local church to join us last year and realizing this year's retreat may not happen, Doug and I knew it was time to share what we had been blessed with and start one right here.

But this time, I was the reluctant one. It wasn't speaking up for marriage that I was afraid of, I honestly thought marriage ministry could well be something we ended up doing together, one day. I just had assumed and hoped it would be twentysome years from now so we could publicly say:

"Hi, we're Doug and Michelle, we've been married for over 25 years, have multiple grown children, and here we are now, still smiling, so you best listen to our wise, experienced advice."

But God wouldn't have it that way. Instead it's:

"Hi, we're Doug and Michelle, we really haven't been married too long, we have a bunch of little kids running around us constantly, and life is getting kind of messy...BUT we made a commitment to each other above all of that and we will intentionally do all we can RIGHT NOW to honor each other and our marriage."

We simply want to encourage other couples... just married, decades married, re-married, to make your marriage your priority. Because the kids will grow up and go. Eventually you'll retire from that hectic job. And you can be certain circumstances will change. But God-willing, your spouse will be remain by your side. So make your marriage your priority, right now and in every moment!

Consider joining us for a time away to renew your marriage.

Change of Address

Doug and I have moved as a family 6 times in less than 6 years. From my parents place to a rented shed, to an apartment with a mountain view, to a rancher (which was my pretty word for trailer), to his parents place, to an old farmhouse, and finally to our perfect family home we own now. And I plan to stay here for awhile. A really, long, settled while.


It's not like we were moving cross-country though; these half of a dozen relcations were just from NJ to Central PA or simply to the next town over to a place with a little more space (we also added a kid every other year or so). Our last move was less than a mile away just to have the unexpected opportunity to buy. Even still, it's a pain. The packing, the cleaning, the moving, the unpacking, and then...the dreaded change of address. Everything and everyone has to know you moved. I'm almost there... I still have some mail forwarded and some I have to pick-up in-person at my in-laws!

------

I've been in Exodus in the Old Testament for almost two months now. It's the amazing story of Moses and how God shows His power and faithfulness to the people of Israel. It's thrilling, and long, and incredible, and a tad specific, and holy, and ancient, really ancient. But this past week, as I was reading some of God's instructions to His people from thousands of years ago, I realized God made quite the drastic move, a serious, unbelievable change of address.

"Have the people of Israel build me a holy sanctuary so I can live among them," God instructed Moses to tell the Israelites in Exodus 25:8.

How incredible to have God live among his people, but how much more incredible is His set-up now!

I flipped straight to 1 Corinthians... in chapter 6, verse 19, the apostle Paul asks the Christ followers in the city of Corinth, Greece this: 

"Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God?"

After God sent His Son to dwell on Earth, He sent His spirit to dwell in us. Quite intense relocations from a holy sanctuary built by the hands of the Israelites to the grounds of the Earth to me. Me. God lives in me. This body of mine He created houses His very own spirit. Not just among His people, but within His people. And all because of Christ and what He accomplished in order to make us holy.
We have been made into a sanctuary, suitable for God to dwell. What a change of address! What an incredible gift. What a responsibility.

He built me. He made me holy. I am the temple. His spirit was given to me. And He lives...in me.

Thank you, Lord, for moving. I'm so glad I opened the door.

"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock." -God

(Revelation 3:19-20)

Seeking a Sponsor

This is about marriage. No, maybe more about divorce.

I hate divorce. Hate it and everything it stands for, no, against. Now hear me, because I'm not saying I hate people who are divorced or will be divorced.  As a mentor of mine always said, "Grace to you."...the same Grace that is to me. But divorce in itself, I hate.

Divorce is not patient, divorce is not kind. Divorce involves envy, it's boastful and proud. It dishonors many and is self-seeking. It's filled with anger, keeping a thorough record of wrongs.  Divorce delights in evil and disregards the truth. It never protects, never trusts, never hopes, and most certainly does not persevere. 

If that sounds familiar, it's because it's the opposite of what you hear at almost every wedding. The antonym of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. What love is not, divorce is. 

Pretty disturbingly to me, I've had multiple people, in just the last couple months, well-meaningfully say, "If Doug (my husband) were ever to start drinking again, I'd support you leaving him."

How disappointing. Support my leaving him? What about support my loving him? Who will help me love him if Lord forbid my beloved ever did fall back into addiction, darkness, despair? Who will pray with me for him, encourage him with me, and serve him with love in his ultimate "for worse"? Who will support me in that?

Because if you support my leaving him when he stumbles, then the enemy not only has a hold on him, but our marriage also. You'd be supporting the enemy, not me, not him, definitely not our marriage. And what if I were the one doing the stumbling? What then?

I need someone to hold our marriage accountable, no matter what comes our way. To remind us of 1 Corinthians 13 love. To shove our own vows in our face, our vows of forgiveness and prayerfulness. Someone who doesn't accept the lie of put the "me" before the "us". (Because that's not what I signed up for, that's not what I agreed to.) I made a deal, a promise, a covenant, and I need some back-up, a witness in that, to call me out, without fear of offense. I need a sponsor. That's who I need and that's what our marriage needs. And I'm hopeful you're already out there.

Don't just sit through weddings, post some pictures, and wish em well.
Sponsor a marriage.

Singing

We celebrated our son's tank engine, third birthday over the weekend. I'll admit I get a little into in my kids' themes, but I love it because they love it. It's a chance to single out each kid, ask them what their heart desires, and (work my butt off to) magically fulfill their high hopes. One day a year just for them.

As I was prepping early morning for the party, on top of lists running in my head, I kept thinking on the tradition of singing over birthday individuals, little or grown, each year. It serves to celebrate and honor the person; it's the culmination of the birthday party! But if you really think about it, it's kind of strange having everyone sing a song in unison surrounding a single person. Not that strange though, because God does exactly the same with us. The Bible tells us,

"The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love He will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing." (Zephaniah 3:17)

God rejoices over you with singing, just like we all do to our kids on their birthdays. With smiling, taking delight in their every move, being physically next to them, and, if even for just a moment, putting everything else aside to simply sing.

He sings! Over you. To you. For you. I wish I could really grasp how incredible that is.


Every year, for everyone we know, we sing. Every second, for those He knows, God sings.

I love that when we sang to my son, he sang right along, with a "Happy Birthday to me" version. With God we are called to sing-along as well, not to ourselves and our own glory, but straight back to him. "Sing, O Daughter of Zion; shout aloud, O Israel! Be glad and rejoice with all your heart, O Daughter of Jersusalem." (Zephaniah 3:14)

Insert your name above and sing. Sing with Him. Sing back to Him.

  Sing because He's singing over you!

Honeymoon Phase

My hubby and I recently celebrated 4 years married, the honeymoon phase is long gone, but (most of the time) we enjoy spending time together, that is when we carve out the time to do so. But with any extended relationship, comes changes to its dynamic, comfort level, effort involved; it's what doesn't change that's key.

Earlier in the summer, the two of us got away for the weekend. Away from the busyness of three little ones, the noise of  media, and all of the distractions that follow us around. One night, we sat outside on a bench and watched the sun set over the Chesapeake Bay. As we enjoyed the stillness, we couldn't help but to watch a young couple walk down to the dock together and adorably take a seat, feet hanging over, side-by-side. As the girl leaned back onto her hands and innocently swayed her feet over the water, her fancy flats flew out into the bay. She laughed in embarrassment and with little hesitation, her guy stripped off his polo and jumped right in to the unknowing depths of the bay, paddling out in search of her shoes.
Doug and I enjoyed our entertainment and both agreed out loud, "No way they're married!" He confessed if it was us, 4 years in, he would have just counted the shoes a loss. He did admit it may have been different say 5 years ago.

In the beginning of any relationship, there is so much to talk about, so much to learn, so much to look forward to. Everything seems so new and exciting. An eagerness to see, hear, hold, give. A wanting to do anything for them, being alert to any opportunity to serve them, prove your affection to them.

Several years in, you may feel like you already have heard all there is to hear, with not much left to learn, wondering if the best has come and gone. Things become routine, habitual. Eagerness turns to expectedness and where's the desire to prove something that's already being proclaimed?

I'm not saying that the hubby and I are there, there are mundane moments for sure, but if we didn't put time aside, to talk, to pray, to hold one other, to watch sunsets, to simply enjoy, I'm sure we would be. Stuck there, not knowing how to get back to the initial infatuation and excitement.

And this relational dynamic is just the same with my Heavenly Father, Savior, Best Friend. It's been years now, a decade maybe, going from knowing nothing, to wanting to know everything, to feeling sometimes like I've now heard it all, again and again. What's new? What's left? What's to look forward to? Going from full surrender of how can I serve you, to what do I have time for? What am I comfortable with?

But just like a husband and wife, we should never allow ourselves to get stuck there. It's an unproductive, destructive place to remain. The cure for my husband and I is time away to enjoy, rekindle, remember... the same for God and I.

There is much left to know about my husband, even more left to realize about my God. I want to be filled with joy each time my husband returns home, I want to overflow with joy each time I return Home. I want to serve, because I love and because I am loved. Because of a promise I made. I want to remain excited, with each date, with each time I open my Word. So much to look forward to, more than I can comprehend.

I want weeks, seasons, years, generations to pass, and to find myself willing and wanting. Willing to jump in, clothes and all, swimming, searching, serving. And while I know all relationships change as people do, I need most to remain grateful. Unchanging gratitude, an attitude which has the ability to keep any relationship new.

Then we your people, the sheep of your pasture,

    will thank you forever and ever,

    praising your greatness from generation to generation. 

   ~Psalm 79:13

Humility and the Harvest

"Yes! I did it, I did it!" I shouted at the first sight of little tomatoes on plants I had started from seed months ago. I felt so accomplished with an actual visual result of my hard work, something which can be hard to spot in the child-rearing industry. My 6-year-old caught me in my celebratory dance from across the yard and came walking over with a hand-on-the-hip, side-smirk in-tact, ready to dish out some truth.

"Mommm," she said with a slight roll of the eyes, "you didn't really do anything. God did."

She then explained to me I may have planted some seeds and added some water (when I remembered to), but asked me if I was the one to tell it to grow? I actually tried to defend my work trying to get a little more credit on my behalf, but she just looked back at me over the tops of her eyes as if to say "Come on, Mom" and all I could eventually do was laugh in humility. 

Now, later in the season and with a harvest this spoiled suburban gal didn't think was possible, I need to keep reminding myself of that simple correction from my daughter. Remembering that it's not about my doing, it's about God's doing, and in the moments I start taking credit when it's due to Him or try intervening my way where I know He has it handled, I need to take a big step back and remember, I really didn't do anything, and more importantly, I don't need to. Maybe God has a few seeds for me to plant here and there, maybe a little extra water and care can come from me, and I need to be ready for that, but when it comes to growth, when it comes to movement, when it comes to action, that may all be beyond me, and that is good!

When I put those seeds in the ground, I had to trust. Trust they would sprout. Trust they would grow. Trust they would produce something! (Btw, I'm in over my head with tomatoes at the moment!) But the main activity on my part that was required throughout that whole process was trust. 

I'm writing and sharing this to myself, perhaps to you too, reflecting on where I'm attempting to take control and credit over something that is His. Exhausting myself trying to tell something to grow when I've never had the power to do that anyway. Trust Him, trust His time, trust His ability, trust His heart. There is a harvest on the way, but it has little to do with me, and much to do with Him.

...In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life." ~James 1:21

Salt

Sometimes I really am searching for my lost shaker of salt... not for my margaritas, I'm out of that phase of life now. But honestly lacking in spiritual saltiness.

Jesus gave his disciples (myself included) the job title of "salt of the earth". (Matt 5:13) 

And Paul told the Colossian church to be sure their conversations were "seasoned with salt". (Col 4:6)

And so I've known salt to be a good thing, on fries and in life, but never really understood what exactly this spirtual salt stood for. So I did some research and looked into the uses of salt (call me a dork, it's cool)...what I found truly moved me, encouraged me, and convicted me to USE and BE salt.

4 Main Uses of Salt

• Enhances 
• Salt enhances the flavor of what already is; it brings out the best in something.
• Cleanses
• Salt lifts stains and dirt, removing residue and leaving it much cleaner than it was found. 
• Preserves 
• Salt preserves things in a state it is able to remain. 
• Heals
• Salt heals wounds and calms irritation. 

Let your words, actions, and entire being enhance, cleanse, preserve, and heal those around you. 

True salt. 

Jealous

I don't have much time... I'm sitting here typing one-handed with a baby on my lap and bottle in the other hand. I got two other munchkins riding anything with wheels down the front walkway with a side-smirk showing through because they know it's past bedtime. But I wanted to get this down, if just for myself, before my head hits the pillow seeming to erase the day's wisdom, etch-a-sketch style, gone.

I spent a good amount of time this morning replenishing a tree I've been turning into the local gathering place for the neighborhood birds. The tree tavern serves cardinals, jays, finches, woodpeckers, and hummingbirds... it certainly brings out the dork in me. But colorful visitors, especially while washing dishes (again) or during a particularly quiet naptime, brings variety and company right to my window.
I had restocked four feeders and added some fresh water; there was already a ton of activity and a hummingbird darting around me in anticipation with the nectar still in my hand.
But later, while my littlest ones were asleep, and I had a moment to stare and enjoy, there was nothing. Not one bird. And I was given a thought, a complete, uninterrupted thought:

If they know there is constant nourishment here, why would they even bother looking anywhere else? 

Oh, I actually said aloud.
Wow, is that me God? I do that too?
You too are constant. You are sustaining. You are abundant. You are never-ending. And yet I still look elsewhere sometimes. What else is out there? Is there something better, more convenient, tastier?
I've tasted and I've seen, so why ever leave, if even for a second, that Good, Life-giving Source.

"Then Jesus declared, 'I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.'" ~John 6:35

In that moment, I actually found myself jealous for these birds I've come to know, come back, come back, where did you go? I'm right here and ready to constantly feed you, fill you, enjoy you... but where are you?

"Do not worship any other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God." ~ Exodus 34:14

Oh.

Resource

I'd just like to take a second to offer myself as a resource for anyone you may know facing an unexpected pregnancy. 

I have some life experience to pull from, but also actual training and time spent as a counselor at a pregnancy clinic which may be useful to someone out there.

Currently, I stay home with my three little ones. But what with Facebook, texting, e-mail, etc., I've realized I'm still available and able to help. I can at least talk through options, provide information, and just be a listening ear.

Feel free to message or e-mail me (michelle.umbehauer@gmail.com) and/or pass this information along however you may want. 
Thanks.

Put Simply

It's buzzing today that CVS announced it will stop selling all tobacco products in its stores. I was pretty surprised by this, and I know people will have all sorts of opinions on it today. But after reading what the CEO of CVS had to say, it got me thinking. He stated:

"Put simply, the sale of tobacco products is inconsistent with our purpose." 

Good for them! They recognized their purpose, what they stand for, and realized they were plainly contradicting it by their actions. And after that realization, the next step was simple: stop the action.

Companies all have an aim, a mission statement. But what's yours? What's mine?

My purpose is to be ambassador of Christ in this world, an example to people of God's loving grace and hopeful truth. (2 Corinthians 5:20)

It's fair to stop and ask myself now and again, what in my life is inconsistent with my purpose? And if I find something, am I willing to cut it off, no matter the cost? (Matt 18:7-9)

It's projected that CVS will lose $2 billion annually by ending tobacco sales! That's significant, even to a major corporation, but they feel it's necessary in order to remain consistent. CVS claimed they were seeking to improve customer health, but they sold disease-causing, habit-forming products.

What's holding me back from my purpose? My aim, to be like Him.

• Attempting to worship and glorify Him early Sunday, but being a drunken mess all night Saturday?
• Singing of His Love, but speaking loads of hatred to strangers?
• Knowing of Gratitude, but whining all over Facebook?
• ____________, but __________________?

Locating the inconsistencies and taking the action to end them. Not to be perfect. We won't. But to be consistent with our purpose. A worthy, worthy attempt.

I Need You Still

What with having a semi-needy newborn, a tornado of a 2 year-old, and a new home that I'm resolving to actually keep up with, I haven't been able to sit, gather up my mind, and write until now.
(Thank you two-hour delay and PBS!)
My time alone with my thoughts and my God has mostly been confined to 15-20 minutes before the sun's even up. But at least it's there. It's not pushed aside. Not ever again.

I have a confession and I could use the above reasons as an excuse, but I won't. Because I'm not confessing out of guilt, I'm confessing to remind myself never to let this happen again. I'm confessing to declare that I have needs. Big ones. Ones that I can not function, breathe, walk, especially parent, without.

I NEED GOD, I NEED HIS WORD, I NEED PRAYER. I still NEED it.

We moved a little over a month ago, right before Christmastime. It wasn't until after New Year's that I realized my go-to Bible was still packed away. My toaster was out and popping and my TV was fully functioning, but of the half a dozen boxes still left unopened was the one labeled "IMPORTANT" with my Book inside, closed.

With the holidays, our Bible Study was on vacation. With all the projects around the house, weekly prayer time with my hubby was pushed aside. With a baby shifting around my sleep, my early morning time with Him was traded in for more time with my sheets. Maybe my writer's block was due to lack of Word, not time.
And when the holidays came and went, and all 3 kids had been home for weeks, and the house still wasn't where I wanted it, and had almost no routine to lean on, and had hardly had any real talk with my husband, I lost it. Crumbled. Completely caved in to every pressure around me.

It took an emergency date night with my husband early this month and time away from the house, kids, etc. for me to wake up. My husband will confess right along side me (triangle, bam!) that we kidded ourselves, if just for a few weeks, that we could do this solo. Without the spiritual support of each other, but most importantly, without Him. We were see-you-on-Sunday followers.

When the world seems to be going swimmingly, blessings all around, we tend to forget our desperate state. But I want to be constantly desperate. Needy. For Him only. And intentional to fill that need daily. Not if I get to it. Not if she sleeps in today. Not if that project gets done. Everyday, needing Him and going. Running into His arms and filling myself up with His Love and Grace and Mercy and Truth and Joy and.... everything I need, in Him.

I won't be thirsty. I have a bubbling spring within me, I'm going to drink from it often. More than often. Now. Always. Every second. Sipping, gulping, slurping. And I have food. So much food! Food some know nothing about. My nourishment comes from doing His will. (John 4)

But you gotta check-in with the Boss to see what He has for you. Hallelujah, I'm here, I'm sorry, I need You still, as much as when I was broken on a dirty dorm floor, I need you now, on my newly cleaned kitchen floor, I need you just as much. 

And I won't forget it.

Respect Thanksgiving

Things have gotten a little busy around here with one in kindergarten and two in diapers. Even still, all sorts of little nuggets of thought are always floating around in my head and its always nice to be able to get them out with written words. And for both diapered wee ones to be asleep at same time right now is quite the mini-miracle... so here I go!

Something timely that's been on my mind this week is Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving - the prelude to Christmas.

In our house, Daddy is pretty much the Grinch about all things Christmas until after the turkey has been put away and the football games are over. Then, he concludes, the Christmas season is permitted to begin. He has actually hidden dvds, banned christmas music in his presence (I sneak it in the car), looked the other way in stores, and yelled, "Nonsense!" to the early outdoor lighters. (Yet, he can put back n/a egg nog by the half-gal with no hesitation at anytime?) His exaggerated point in all this though - respect Thanksgiving first.

I guess I get it. But more than appreciating Thanksgiving as just a calendar holiday which falls before Xmas, Thanksgiving needs to be recognized in our hearts as a prerequisite to Christmas.

Respect Thanksgiving by giving thanks to the Giver for the greatest Gift of all.

I've been teaching our 2 year-old a bit about the holiday. I made a silly jingle up that we sing-"Thankful means I'm glaaad, glad for what I have!"
Some of the things he's thankful for? Apple juice, movies, his baby sister... and to my pleasant surprise, he included Jesus in his list. My toddler can tell you "Jesus. Love. Dougie." And it warmed my heart to know that he is already glad for what he has in Jesus.

To use Thanksgiving to its full prelude potential, we can prepare our hearts for what's on its way. Being thankful that precious Jesus is coming, then waiting on that expectantly with huge hope. We know what's coming, the big One is just around the corner, and we can be so glad for its impending arrival! Not with a rushed, antsyness that always ends with an anti-climatic mess of wrapping paper on the floor. But with a overflowing thankfulness for the Gift we know is coming, the Gift that has already been given, and the Gift that is here to stay in our hearts 365 days a year.

Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!

 ~2 Corinthians 9:15

This Thanksgiving, as a personal reflection with yourself and God or as a family activity, think about making or writing out a "thank-you" card.
To: God.  From: Me. Don't just feel thankful on Thanksgiving, tell Him so. Remember His indescribable gift and His wonderful deeds!


We thank you, O God!
    We give thanks because you are near.
    People everywhere tell of your wonderful deeds.  ~ Psalm 75:1

Rejoice Today

I can't believe we are just 2 weeks away from becoming a family of 5! And this baby could be arriving even sooner with things already getting revved up in there. But with final weeks of pregnancy, anxious feelings tend to weigh heavy on me. Not so much the fearful, uneasy kind of anxiety, but the antsy, impatient kind. Less like worrying and more like hurrying. Just wanting to check off another day to get to tomorrow. You know, wanting a big X asap over today, so the upcoming circled date might come a little sooner.

But how dare I? Honestly, I've been gifted the opportunity to wake up this morning, breathe, see, move, feel, love - and all I want to do is get on with it all? Rush right through? I've said before that worrying is the opposite of trust. In that same way, God has shown me that hurrying is the opposite of gratefulness. Being so consumed with what's next that right now just isn't good enough. So focused on what's ahead of us that we don't take the time to look around us. Planning for tomorrow without enjoying the fullness of today.

The waiting game that comes with delivering a baby is filled with overwhelming eagerness, but we've all been there somehow... if I can just make it through til that vacation, after the holidays I can enjoy things again, once I get this test out of the way I'll go back to being happy. Think of all the days during the countdowns that can be counted as a waste because of the ungratefulness for the now and the hurrying for the next.

Psalm 118:24 declares, 

"This is the day the Lord has made. 

We will rejoice and be glad in it."

We will rejoice...today. We will be glad...today. God has made this day and it is here right now, how could we be anything less than fully thrilled in today. Doug and I had Fred Hammond's lively version of this Psalm
sung at our wedding ceremony with tambourines and all; maybe a little too energetic for some, but the day you get married is certainly a day to rejoice and be glad. The day you leave for the ever-awaited trip, of course you're glad in that day. The day a baby's enters this world - no doubt you will rejoice! But what about the inbetweeners - each of those are still THE day the Lord has made.

After feeling a little anxious this past week, God reminded me of some real things that humbly returned my hurrying into extreme gratefulness. One year ago today, I was actually pregnant. Pregnant with a baby that we eventually lost; in fact, we lost her on the date that this baby is due. But now, a year later, we are blessed and ready to welcome a child we intend to hold on this side of heaven. Yet, this past spring, we thought we weren't going to have that opportunity either, with a rough early pregnancy that had nurses shocked to see a sustaining heartbeat. But now at full-term, how can I do anything, but rejoice and be glad?? Be thrilled and sing for joy because of what God has done (Psalm 92:4).

I came across own words recently that I expressed just weeks after our miscarriage. After the follow-up appointment, I penned that I had to "...let one woman go before me in line because she was clearly overdue and obviously uncomfortable. I felt my face starting to burn up, heated with the overwhelming desire to feel the awkward agony that this 40-week pregnant mother was feeling. Oh what I would do to have that beautiful distress."

About a year ago, I was jealous, practically in tears, desiring to be in an overdue, pregnant women's (tight and uncomfortable) shoes, and now here I am at full-term entertaining thoughts of "hurry up and let's get this over with"? Nope, God used my own words against myself to remind me to be grateful, to rejoice, right now, today. The days filled with beautiful distress and awkward agony are good, good days. For all of us. And here I am in them, so I will rejoice and be glad - today!